Sunday, July 17, 2011

Hot German Supersongstress Helene Fischer Shrieks Crappy Chick Songs in English

The Euro schlager music superstar Helene Fischer sounds so beautiful in her native German. And to say she is easy on the eyes is a monumental understatement.

But when she chooses English language songs to cover, it seems she has developed a career death wish. Lately, her choices seem to have been just simply godawful.

Eric Carmen was the bane of American men and boys during the 1970s, churning out some of the most maudlin, schlocky, syrupy, downright crappy chick music of all time.

And lo and behold, the gorgeous Helen Fischer decides to cover one of his tunes -- what is possibly in the top 10 list of all-time worst American pop songs -- All By Myself.
Helene Fischer's Musical Advisers

As we used to say on the grammar school playground, while sticking a finger in our mouths for dramatic effect: Barf!! Puke!!

And then apparently, the sadly ill-educated Fraulein (she only ever studied singing, dancing and acting) decided she wants to show her "social conscience" by covering the shrieky, trite "What about us? -- Earth Song" -- popularized by no less a pea-brain than the late pederast, and monkey petter, Michael Jackson.

One begins to wonder who Helene Fischer's career advisers are -- Moe, Larry and Curly?

"Muskrat Love", by the Captain and Teneille, in a CNN poll and several other surveys has been voted by Americans as the stupidest pop song of all time.

With the idiotic selections she's been making in English language songs, look for Helene Fischer to be covering that little gem any day now.

Here is the execrable 1976 Eric Carmen hit, All By Myself:

And here, Fischer dresses up like the LA perve himself, while belting out the asinine, What About Us? (Michael Jackson's Earth Song)

(If you have dogs with sensitive hearing, you may want to let them out in the yard right now as she does some very serious shrieking and howling in this one.)

Give me Helene Fischer's German schlager tunes from a few years back, but please spare me her recent idiotic American pop music selections. The girl needs some serious career counseling. Isn't that supposed boyfriend of hers, Florian Silbereisen, man enough, to slap some sense into her?

(This was reprinted, by permission, from the Chicago Schlager Music Review.)


  1. Yeah, those songs are pretty lame. Muskrat Love - BAHAHahahahaha! The only reason it moved up in the charts was because people kept wanting to hear the funny without having to actually buy it! LOL :)

  2. I think there were supposed to be sounds of muskrats making love at the end of the song.

  3. Poor Rachmaninoff must have spun a few times in his grave when his music was ripped off for that awful song.

  4. Oh my God, you're right. I hadn't realized that!

  5. She's a Celine Dion fan and sang many of hers like All by myself, The power of love, My heart will go on


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