Sunday, November 25, 2012

2012 Wisconsin Badgers Could Become Worst Rose Bowl Team Ever

When the Wisconsin Badgers blundered their way into the 1999 Rose Bowl, ESPN analyst, Craig James, famously called them, "the worst team to ever play in the Rose Bowl."

UW's Badgers stunk up the Big-10 all season
but still could go to the Rose Bowl
But after the great running back, Ron Dayne, powered Wisconsin to a 38-31 victory over UCLA, UW coach Barry Alvarez quipped, "now I know we're at least the 2nd worst team ever to play in a Rose Bowl."

Well, this year, implausible as it might seem, the eminently mediocre Badgers with a paltry 4-4 conference record, could, in fact, belatedly fulfill James' 1999 appellation.

With a win over Nebraska on December 1st, they would have stumbled their way to the Big-10 title and could, at last, secure the rights to the title "worst team ever to play in a Rose Bowl."

In any event, the Badgers would secure the distinction of having the worst ever conference record of any Big-10 Rose Bowl representative -- nudging out a 1950 Michigan team who went with a 5-3-1 record (and still managed to bring home the Rose Bowl honors to the Big-10 by beating California.)

How did this happen?

How could mediocre poseurs like the Wisconsin Badgers end up representing the Big-10 in Pasadena on New Years' day?
Hey, we'll take it any way we can get it!

Well, two years ago, when the Big-10 reconfigured itself into 2 divisions, by sheer dumb luck, Wisconsin ended up in the same "Leaders" division with Ohio State and Penn State (along with perennial pansies, Illinois, Indiana and Purdue.)

Ohio State, despite a flawless 8-0 conference record and overall 12 game winning streak has been banned from post-season play for Florida State-styled recruiting and payola shenanigans.

And Penn State, despite a respectably formidable 6-2 conference tally, as we all know, has been banned from post season play as punishment for condoning the buggery of young boys in its shower rooms.

So that leaves Brett Bielema's 3rd place, mediocre poseurs from Dairyland, alone eligible to represent the division in the Big-10 championship game against Nebraska.

The winner of that one will go to the Rose Bowl and with Nebraska having only eked out a 3 point win over the Badgers on September 29th, really anything can happen there.

Including a Wisconsin win.

But why not?

If a mediocre poseur like Barack Hussein Obama can be re-elected despite the worst economy in generations, why can't mediocre poseurs like the Wisconsin Badgers end up in the Rose Bowl with a 4-4 regular season conference record?

This may just be the year for mediocre poseurs.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Goat Husbandry in Chicago's Jewish "Golden Ghetto"

I kinda figured that all was not well in the Obamaite utopia when I saw that Kraft cheese singles were now almost 5 bucks at my local grocery -- the "Kosher" Jewel-Osco at Howard and Kedzie in Evanston.

Urban goats being raised on Chicago's North side

But I hadn't realized that things were getting so bad that neighborhood Orthodox Jews -- a mere few blocks away -- now have to resort to raising goats and chickens in their back yards.

I am talking about the Lubavitcher Orthodox Jews at 2815 Birchwood, Chicago, who are now raising chickens and goats in their back yard,

I am totally not making this up. Just look at the photos I took (above left and below right.)

Now this is all happening in a quasi-suburban area of the very far North side of Chicago, the 50th Ward West Rogers Park, which abuts Evanston and Lincolnwood. There are million dollar homes in the neighborhood.

Now there are also goats and chickens.

As you might imagine, the neighbors are not thrilled by this new agrarian Orthodox Jewish fad.
... and Chickens too

Several have taken up a petition to their Orthodox Jewish Alderman, Deborah Silverstein, asking her to oust their new farmyard friends.

The principal objections seem to be:

1) a distinctively barnyard aroma permeating the neighborhood on warm days,

2 ) the constant high-pitched bleating of the goats, and,

3) the ear shattering morning wake-up cock-a-doodling of the rooster.

I'm sorry, but I have to come down on the side of the thrifty agrarian black-hatted Jews on this one.

With the price of milk and eggs skyrocketing during the Obama depression, what is wrong with providing for your family via a little American farm heritage self-dependence?

And really, is there anyone out there who doesn't enjoy a nice cup of steamy hot, unpasteurized , goat's milk on a cold Chicago winters night?

I, like Bertie Wooster, find it hard to start my day without the good old English bacon and eggs. But have you seen the price of Oscar Mayer's thick cut bacon lately? Almost 5 bucks!!

So I am definitely on the side of these self-dependent, Lubavitcher black-hatters.

And I am now announcing that I am thinking of raising pigs in the backyard of my 50th Ward, West Rogers Park domicile.

And if you hoity-toity Orthodox Jewish one-percenters in your million dollar homes don't like it ----

Well -- you shouldn't have voted for the Silversteins and their friend, Barack Obama

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

And Now It's Christmas Music in Early November

I rather liked the Christmas tune "The Little Drummer Boy" when I was in 4th grade.

But having since heard the bloody thing, something like 517,463 times , I now just find it entirely annoying, unctuous, and frankly, odious.

But I just heard it again, minutes ago on Chicago's 93.9 FM.

I also heard Elvis singing "Here comes Santa Claus," and then an all negro girl group from the Brill Building rocker days singing "A Sleigh Ride Together With You" (Ringa Linga Linga Ding Dong Ding Ding) and right now they have Frank Sinatra crooning: "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas."

I am not writing this on December 24th -- or even December 12th.

I am writing this in Chicago on November 12th -- And It's not even bloody Thanksgiving yet.

And yet the nitwits who run Lite FM 93.9 can't figure out anything better to do than to crack out the Christmas moldy oldies -- this damned early!!

Oh, now they have Bing Crosby singing "Do You hear what I hear?"


(Oh Nooooo! Now they're playing the Peanuts' Snoopy Christmas piano song --  Good Grief!)

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Jews "Only" Backed Obama by 69% -- Break Out the Champagne!!

A group calling itself "The Republican Jewish Coalition," (RJC) in a never-ending quest to make itself seem vaguely relevant to the Republican Party, today announced that "only" 69% of Jewish voters cast ballots for Barack Hussein Obama this time around.

Melvin Kaminsky (aka Mel Brooks) is not
necessarily related to RJC Chmn, Matt Brooks

Today the RJC chairman, one Matt Brooks (we're not sure if he is any relation to funnyman Mel Brooks) glowingly pronounced that "President Barack Obama and the Democrats saw a significant erosion of (Jewish voter) support to 69% from (Obama's 78% Jewish support in) 2008."

Well whoop-de-doo!!

Let's break out the bloody champagne and throw a party.

"Only 69%" of Jews backed Barack Obama.

In any campaign school they will tell you that any percentage above 60% qualifies as a landslide. So it is quite fair to say, that for the second straight time -- American Jews voted for Barack Obama in landslide proportions.

That puts Jews in the same category as blacks, and homosexuals, the only other voter cohorts who also gave such overwhelmingly massive support to Obama both times around..

Now this is interesting, considering that when Israeli Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu made a state visit to Washington in 2010, Obama kept him waiting in a White House anteroom as if he was a delivery boy bringing corned beef on rye from the K Street Deli.

And Obama welcomed the "Arab Spring," in 2011, just as today his emissaries are holding private (perhaps conciliatory?) talks with the emissaries of the Iranian Muslim mullahs.

But with an overwhelming majority of American Jewish voters endorsing these actions, the question becomes, "Why should Republicans risk, once again, alienating the wildly growing US Muslim and Arab-Christian voter cohorts with  knee-jerk support for the Israeli state? If most Jews don't care, why should Republicans?"

President Reagan's speechwriter, Peter Robinson, once wrote that Jews were the only voter group with the income of Episcopalians and the voting behavior of Puerto Ricans.

Barack Obama twice got the overwhelming support of Puerto Rican-American voters and has clearly declared  that he supports the independence of the Puerto Rican state.

Barack Obama twice got the overwhelming support of Jewish-American voters. Yet is it is not clear that he supports the independence of the Jewish state.

So why are Republicans sticking their necks out for Israel?