Chicago Reader's Most Eligible Singles: Black Trannies, Latino Queers, Wimpy Asians and Weird Whites

Time was a newspaper would run a feature story on the "Most Eligible Singles" and you'd see a photo phalanx of handsome masculine over achievers and gorgeous ultra feminine blond bombshells.

The Chicago Reader's transgender
dream date "Angelica" "Let's play two!"

Not so with today's cultural Marxist scribes of the dying Chicago Sun Times' dying weekly throwaway, the Chicago Reader.

Emerging from their left wing echo chamber just before Valentine's Day , the hipster doofuses who run the Chicago Reader put out their "Most Eligible Chicago Singles" profiles.

Should George Lucas ever attempt a remake of his famous Star Wars bar scene, he could do the casting right here.

The Reader's editorial goofuses showcased their idea of eligible young singles, to wit:

 1) A transgendered black female (?) who bore a striking resemblance to a young Ernie Banks wearing a woman's wig,

2) A gay black male U of C artsy fundraiser who says he has a "great butt" from bicycling around Hyde Park,

3) a gay male Latino lawyer who cites Ruth Bader Ginzburg as his ideal role model,

4) A 36 yr.old female art director who's in an oxymoronic quest for a "stylish, intelligent, queer butch,"

5) An androgynous bald mixed race, Lincoln Square mullata who seems to have feminine facial characteristics and says she is looking for a "dark handsome alpha male".

And then there were the Reader's five clearly heterosexual "dream dates."

What woman could resist this
charming Chicago Reader "dream date?"

They are really too dreary to dwell on, but in a nutshell, the heteros consisted of:

1) Two waifish Asians who underscored the media perception that Asians are neither sexy nor interesting,

2) Two straight white males, one with all encompassing body art and another who was fashionably holding up a rotting deer's head by the antlers and,

3) A rather odd white female fundraising bureaucrat for Chicago Kent Law School who boasts of having visited every country in the former USSR (so how was the room service at the Sverdlovsk Gulag Hilton?)

The good news is that cultural Marxist group think has begun to reach truly absurd depths and nobody's buying anymore.

That's why the lefty Chicago Sun Times just announced yet another round of layoffs and/or buyouts and those little street corner newspaper baskets are always overflowing with unread Chicago Readers

Alderman Wants Gang Bangers To Become Bond Traders

There's never been a shortage of inane ideas emanating from Chicago's 50 aldermen, but the 17th Ward's Latasha Thomas has just put herself in the running for a Gold Medal in the Aldermanic Idiot Olympics.

Chicago Alderman Latasha Thomas

On page 10 of the 6/5 edition of the Chicago Reader, the longtime solon from the Auburn-Gresham-Englewood area, said she is worried about all the killings in her ward.

Ms. Thomas says the lack of job opportunities is what's driving young black men to become gun-wielding gang bangers.

So she has vowed to get to the root of the problem -- JOBS.

"My ward desperately needs jobs for these young people," she

So Alderman Latasha Thomas has come up with the solution.

(We are not making this up.)

She has proposed an ordinance to give more work to black firms on city bond deals. "We need to make sure we're giving experience to the next generation of professionals," she blurted.

Ald. Thomas' Future Municipal Bond Traders

Even the Reader's usually forgiving, lefty correspondent, Mike Dumke, was incredulous.

"Is the kid on the corner in Englewood going to get in on the next bond sale, even if your measure passes?" he queried.

"It's something," Thomas said.

We can just hear it now. Gangbanger buddies Jamal and Tyrone walking down an Englewood street discussing the latest city bond offering.

JAMAL: "Did you hear those motherf----ers at Moody's downgraded those new short term offerings to P-3?"

TYRONE: "Aight, deys comin' at us crooked so we goan down there wid oah bangas and check them Moody mofos."

That's right, Alderman Latasha Thompson,

It's something.

Cougar Controversy in IL GOP House Race

With the jobless rate hitting 11 per cent, with a widespread fear and loathing of the 9 month effort to craft a socialized medicine scheme and with Obama's approval rating hitting an historic low, the Republican candidates for Congress in the Illinois 12th Congressional District have decided to focus their energies and attention on the all important issue of COUGARS!!!

That's right, cougars -- as in middle aged women who lust after younger men.

The issue was raised by Republican candidate, Theresa Kormos (above right), an eminently somber-looking practical nurse who is from O'Fallon, IL and almost certainly wears sensible shoes

She has accused her opponent in the Republican primary, Tea-Party activist, Teri Davis Newman (above left) of being pro-cougar. She bases this worrisome charge on the fact that in 2008, Ms. Newman entered a competition to be the "Ask a Cougar," advice columnist for the River Front Times, a downstate alternative newspaper, which is much like the Chicago Reader in style and appearance.

Ms. Newman did not win the competition to become the Dear Abby of the downstate doyens of inter-generational dating, but Nurse Kormos said that Newman's pursuit of the job showed "extraordinarily bad judgement."

“I don’t want my potential Congressperson embracing the idea of being a cougar, and I hope the thousands of other people within the 12th Congressional District don’t either,” Nurse Kormos said. “I have been happily married for 30 years," she pointedly added.

"She has the personality of a wet sponge," Newman told a downstate newspaper. "The whole thing is crap-ola. A big bowl of crap-ola," she delicately added.

I have seen a photo of Nurse Kormos and I believe that she is telling the truth when she says she, herself, is no cougar. And she very definitely is no MILF, by any stretch of the imagination.

The two women are vying for the right to oppose 11 term incumbent Democrat Congressman Jerry Costello in what is usually a safe Democratic district which comprises the lower Southwest corner of the state, with East St. Louis and Carbondale as its largest cities.

So far, Costello has not weighed in on the cougar controversy.

Both women are self-described conservative pro-life candidates with Nurse Kormos touting her endorsement by the Illinois Federation for the Right to Life and Newman, a wedding planning consultant, endorsed by the IL Conservative Action Network.

The stunning GOP victory in the Massachusetts Senate race last week has reportedly struck fear into the hearts of a good number of Democrat House and Senate members.

The Dems, at least, can rest easy in the Illinois 12th -- once again, saved by the not-ready-for-prime-time Illinois Republicans.