Thursday, April 25, 2013

Weirdest Craigslist Free Stuff Ads - Sex Toys, SM/BD Equipment

Every Craigslist throughout the country has a section entitled "Free Stuff." That's where people post items that they simply want to give away.

Occasionally we've acquired some pretty good stuff there, notably a really nice Krups coffee maker, with internal water filter.
Free Sex Toys on Chicago Craigslist

But Craigslist Chicago has to have had some of the most positively weird "Free Stuff" offerings in the country.

Here are a few genuinely bizarre recent ones:

Anyone want to be a guinea pig for someone just learning the art of tattooing?

Tattoo (chicago)


Hi,
I am an apprentice at a tattoo studio and learning to tattoo. I am looking for people to practice on if you are interested reply to this message with a picture of what you want to get and a phone number and if I like the picture I will get back to you. No picture of what u wany and no phone number no response.......heres one I did on friday.....trying to get someone in my chair today.

•Location: chicago
•it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Posting ID: 3689182404
Posted: 2013-03-18, 1:51PM CDT
Edited: 2013-03-18, 2:11PM CDT

And equipped with that new tattoo, you'll certainly now want to avail yourself of  a complete outfit of sadomasochism/bondage & domination devices:

Free SM/BD Stuff (Edgewater)



After many years of enjoyable SMBD activity, age and my longterm boyfriend's lack of interest in this made me decide to part with my toys during my current move. Assorted whips, restraints, nipple clamps, etc.-in cream/blue trim canvas bag by 5647 N. Glenwood dumpster-first person to snag this is the winner!
  • Location: Edgewater
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Posting ID: 3764766060
Posted: 2013-04-24, 7:52PM CDT

In case the previous set was missing clit stimulators, you'll want to take advantage of this generous offer from an enthusiastic Chicago entrepreneur:

Free sex toy (Chicago and suburbs)




hello everyone, I'm currently in the process of starting a small sex toy company.Im offering 20 free Clit stimulators.This is not a joke or scam. the only requirements are for you to be over 18 and willing to answer some questions about the toys performance.If you are shy this is not for you. if you're interested in a free toy please contact me with your name town and email. thanks for reading.
  • Location: Chicago and suburbs
  • it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Posting ID: 3735112632
Posted: 2013-04-10, 1:06PM CDT

As the man says, "get while the gettins good!!"

Cow Shite (Manhattan)


If you guys missed out on the other guys horse shit, today is your lucky day! i have bout 3 truck loads of cow shit that is free for the takin! get it while the gettins good!!
•Location: manhattan
•it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Posting ID: 3761883590
Posted: 2013-04-23, 1:47PM CDT

Sure, I'm interested in hauling away the flotsam and jetsam from your demolition project:

Free chunks of concrete (Barrington)


I have a pile of concrete that was broken up from parts of a basement floor.
I heard that some people may be interested in taking it so I figured I would try.
Please let me know.

Thanks

Posting ID: 3695844784
Posted: 2013-03-21, 4:25PM CDT


It's not even clean topsoil -- and you don't even get to keep the tarps!

Free Dirt





have 3 piles of dirt mixed with rock outsde my fence IN THE ALLEY. . feel free to take as much or all of it. ONLY THINKG I ASK IS TO LEAVE THE TAPRS ITS ON. EMAIL ME FOR MORE INFO.....

CALIFORNIA at 174TH (google map) (yahoo map)
  • Location: hammond

Oh, sure, I feel like coming out to Fox River Grove to clean up your storm waste:

Down Tree Branches Fire Wood (Fox River Grove)


I have some down trees that I need hauled away. Anyone need wood? Come cut and haul away. Call Text or Email me. 847-852-nine three six four.

•Location: Fox River Grove

•it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Posting ID: 3707469756
Posted: 2013-04-08, 2:20AM CDT

Maybe the planks from these would be good for building a whipping post to use with my new free S&M/B&D gear and free clit stimulators:

Free broken pallets various sizes

you can pick them up

Mon-Fri 8-5


2200 w pinehurst blvd

Addison il 60101



please call 815-867-1253

•it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Posting ID: 3763732366
Posted: 2013-04-24, 11:44AM CDT

HERE'S A NEW ONE FROM OCTOBER 28, 2014 THAT WE COULDN'T RESIST. 

 ANYONE NEED FREE USED JOCKSTRAPS? FOR SOME IMPENETRABLE REASON, GOODWILL WOULDN'T TAKE THEM;

 used jocks size M (wrigleyville)

They are still good but goodwill wouldn't take them...anybody want them
  • do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers
post id: 4735099073
 
posted: 
 
email to friend
 
♥ best of [?]





Posted by Chicago Lampoon at 5:12 PM
Labels: , , , ,

2 comments:

  1. rjpApril 27, 2013 at 12:55 PM

    The offers of broken pallets and downed trees aren't as odd as you think, and probably had multiple replies. Broken pallets are kindling, and downed trees are firewood. Both are only available for purchase in the city and suburbs, so for anyone with a frequently used fireplace or wood heater the offers are golden.

    Cow shit is fertilizer. And if you've ever wanted to fill in an uneven spot in a yard, fill dirt is rough to come by.

    I have to get a shower, need to get me a new used whip and amateur tattoo.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Chicago LampoonApril 30, 2013 at 10:43 AM

      You're right -- manure is useful fertilizer albeit a bit pungent. As for the downed trees, he didn't say what they were -- cottonwoods? And that guy's dirt was interspersed with stones.

      Delete

Comments invited, however anonymous commentors had better deal directly with the issues raised and avoid ad hominem drivel. As for Teachers' Union seminar writers -- forget about it.

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