Thursday, June 9, 2011

Cubs Should Draft "Beanball Derodte" Wright

"Beanball Derodte" Wright

All Chicago is worried and depressed over the  5th place .400 Cubs' 8 game losing skid and the recent spate of black youth mob violence on the lakefront and near North side.

But not me.

I have found the silver lining to all of this.

I have discovered the recipe for squeezing lemonade from these lemons. I have unearthed the solution to both these problems and it is to be found in the golden arm of accused assailant, high school baseballer, Derodte Wright.

While all of you were crying in your beer over the Cubs and wailing and gnashing your teeth over the breakdown of public order, I was busy reading the fine print in the news reports of Chicago's racial gang violence.

And here's what I saw in the Chicago Sun Times:

◆Derodte Wright, 18, of the 3500 block of South State Street, a student at Perspectives Charter School, accused of attacking nursing student Ryan Dacumos and robbing him on the Lake Michigan bikepath near Chicago Ave. around 8.30 p.m. Described in court by his attorney as a good student with prospects of a college baseball scholarship, Wright was ordered held on bail of $200,000 by Cook County Judge Maria Kuriakos Ciesil.

And the Tribune reported:

Victim Krzysztof Wilkowski said he was hit so hard by a baseball, it knocked his motor-scooter helmet off.

Do I have to spell it out for you? This is the answer to the Cubs' prayers -- right here in our own back yard.

The Cubs pitching staff is a woeful 30th in all of baseball in ERA, 30th in quality starts and 29th in opponents batting average against. In a word, it is pitiful.
"Beanball Ben" Christensen

But with a young phenom like "Beanball Derodte" Wright in the rotation, all this could change in very short order.

Opposing hitters wouldn't dare crowd the plate. Derodte would own the outside corner and with his apparent fireball, we are looking at the stuff of 20+ game winning seasons, rookie-of-the-year and perennial Cy Young awards.

With their misplaced emphasis on ethics over ability, the Cubs frittered away their promising 1999 1st round pick, "Beanball Ben" Christensen.

Beanball Ben had a similar propensity for throwing at the heads of people who weren't even in the batter's box. To assuage popular indignation over this, the Cubs cast Christensen loose and look where that got them.

Let's not make the same mistake again. I say, let's sign young Derodte right away.

But first, could the Ricketts family please help him make bail?as hit s


  1. "misplaced emphasis on ethics over ability"

    *snort* LOL That was a great line! :)

  2. I'm surprised his lawyer didn't say he was a Chicago public school honor student and his mother come to court and say he was her good baby boy.

  3. Whatever your Intentions, I think this one really does have what it takes. He's innocent until proven guilty. He's been arrested not convicted. I doubt he'd be interested in hitting someone with ball he has too much respect for the game.

  4. That's right, if he can beat this rap he'll be free to go wilding on some college campus along with a good number of fellow NCAA scholarship recipients.


Comments invited, however anonymous commentors had better deal directly with the issues raised and avoid ad hominem drivel. As for Teachers' Union seminar writers -- forget about it.