Free Booze in Wrigleyville and Hookers in Edgewater

I know this is beginning to sound like a broken record, but yesterday was yuppie moving-out day in Wrigleyville and as predictably as the Chicago bone-chilling winters, I scored some free booze.

I was also propositioned by a hooker.

The day started out pleasantly enough. I went to the Thorndale Avenue beach to further tone up my tan to the point where I can now reliably report that I am the darkest Germanic white man in the Western world. Future House Speaker, Boehner's got nothing on me.

The water was delectably cool and surprisingly clean for Lake Michigan.

At around 3pm, I got on my Nixon-era, British Raleigh 10 speed and headed South to Wrigleyville in search of the free booze that the yuppie moving out crowd invariably discard.

And sure enough I found it. This time it was an entire case of wine. Different brands and vintages -- 12 bottles all told. I particularly enjoyed the Chardonnay and a cloyingly sweet Chilean wine in a skinny -- kind of trendy -- clear bottle.

Then,with this marvelous find firmly in tow, I headed back North up Broadway Ave.

I alit my bike around Argyle to have a smoke and was approached by a young lady who proceeded to ask me if I wanted "a date."


I was going to ask her what kind of event she had in mind. A prom? A tea dance, perhaps?

But before I could ask, she pointedly recommended that she would be happy to perform a certain fellationous act upon my person in exchange for the grand total of -- I am not making this up -- five bucks.

If there was ever need for proof that we are in a full blown (no pun intended)Obama depression, there it is. That hopey-changey thing didn't seem to be working out too well for her, but given her complexion, she was almost certainly an Obama enthusiast 18 months ago.

Anyway, I politely declined, remounted my bike (but not the hooker) and headed home for an evening of reading Alexander Dumas and swilling some very good (and very free) wine.

Just another day in the City of Big Shoulders.

Free Booze in Wrigleyville

Precisely one year ago today, I reported on my tremendously interesting discovery that one can find free booze in the alleys of Chicago's yuppified neighborhoods on apartment moving day.

Back then, using the simple expedient of riding my bike thru the alleys of Roscoe Village, I found an entire 12 pack of Leinenkugel's beer, several unopened bottles of Spanish wine and an entire bottle of rum.

This year it was a foray thru the backways of Wrigleyville and once again I hit the mother lode.

Behind an expensive looking condo on Southport in the very shadow of Wrigley Field, I discovered a plastic storage container which contained (I am not making this up) an unopened bottle of Courvasier cognac, a 3/4 full bottle of French Grey Goose vodka, a bottle of British Tanqueray Gin, a mostly full bottle of Canadian whiskey, a 1/2 full bottle of Maker's Mark Kentucky whiskey, a book on cocktail recipes and a fancy cut glass bottle stopper.


To my mind it would have been sinful to relegate these fine potables to the city waste dump, so, given my steadfast commitment to recycling, I put the delictable potions to good use.

Is this a great city or what?

Free Booze in Wrigleyville and Roscoe Village!

Yes -- I am not making this up!

There is free booze in Wrigleyville and in Roscoe Village.

How do I know this?

Well, I was riding my premium $700 mtn. bike thru the back alleys of those areas on 5/31 ---
the day before leases come due and all the yuppie types move either up or out.

So they throw everything out.

Realistically, if you had a flatbed pick-up truck, you could furnish an entire apartment with the things they discard.

I'm talking about leather couches, futons, lamps, plants, tables -- you name it!

But I was just looking for booze.

And I found it.

One yuppie woman threw out her husband's golf clubs (which an illegal alien Mexican metal scavenger quickly scarfed up) and her entire refrigerator -- which included a whole bottle of cheap California champagne and half a bottle of Jagermeister.

I was happy to let the illegal alien Mexican scavenger run off with the golf clubs -- having given up the horrifying game some years past -- but was more than happy to make off with the Champagne and the German liquoer.

It was delightful.

Then I found some yuppies moving out who were dispensing with two pairs -- of virtually new--
GAP khakis -- in my size!!!! And another goofus yuppie girl who was dispensing two pairs of virtually new Levi Strauss jeans --- in my size!!!!! She also threw out some of her poetry which I read and made me love her and made me fear for her future.

And then in Roscoe Village I found a brand new Dupont sleeping bag. And with it was a 5 liter unopened box of Almedan wine. And down the block was a 12 pack of dusty Leinenkugel Honey-Weiss beer.

I transported them back and had a rather happy day.

Chicago is a silly town -- but it can be rather amusing, at times.

It is -- after all -- a big city.