Barney Frank To Retire From House -- Seeking Syracuse BBall Coaching Spot?

Frank Demonstrates his
Basketball Dribbling Technique

Barney Frank, the longtime Massachusetts Democrat and first openly gay Member of Congress announced today that he will retire from Congress at the end of his current term.

Frank made national news in the mid-80s when he was censured by the full Congress for sharing his home with a gay man who ran a homosexual prostitution ring from his basement.

Syracuse Asst. B-Ball Coach Bernie Fine
 -- Is Barney Frank After His Seat?

He was also the co-author of the Dodd-Frank financial regulatory bill that is widely believed to have caused the national housing crisis by encouraging sub-prime home loans.

Meanwhile, word comes that longtime assistant Syracuse Basketball coach, Bernie Fine, will also be retiring from his current gig albeit involuntarily. Fine has been implicated in a series of homosexual attacks on pre-teens who he had hired to be "ball boys" for the Syracuse athletic program.

This synchonicity of events moved WLS radio's resident wag and former WFLD-TV sports reporter, Bruce Wolf this morning to question aloud whether Barney's true motivation for leaving Congress was so as to be freed up to seek Mr. Fine's vacated position at Syracuse.

Word is that Mr. Frank is telling anyone who will listen that he is a long-time and ardent follower of the Boston Celtics, has been an enthusiastic friend and mentor to a variety of young men and as such would be well suited for the Syracuse assistant coaching spot.

Michelle Obama Big Butt Theme Music By Sir Mix-a-lot

Should Sir Mix-A-Lot's "I Like Big Butts"
 be Michelle Obama's campaign anthem?

When Presidential aspirant, Cong. Michelle Bachmann was introduced on Jimmy Fallon's NBC Late show Monday, Fallon’s house band, the Roots, played as intro music, Fishbone’s song "‘Lyin’ Ass Bitch."

Needless to say, If Michelle Obama or Hillary Clinton had been so treated by NBC, there would have been howls of protest from feminists and other lefties. There would have been calls for wholesale dismissals of those involved.

But to date, we've heard only a tongue-in-cheek quasi apologia from O'Fallon and NBC has been totally mum.

Today Rush Limbaugh wondered aloud what would have transpired if Michelle Obama had been greeted on stage somewhere with a background rendition of Sir Mix-a-Lot's 1992 rap song, "I like Big Butts."

Limbaugh played excerpts but  below I have put a video of the whole thing. Should "I Like Big Butts," be Michelle Obama's 2012 campaign theme?

Journalism Northwestern Style: What, Where, When, Race (Censored)

Militantly Colorblind
 NU Infobabe Susan Du

There they go again. I'm talking about the babes who run Northwestern University's Daily Northwestern -- the Big-10's only all-girl student newspaper.

It seems like these Medill journalism acolytes are devoted to reporting all the news, all the time, except when the criminal miscreants preying on Northwestern students happen to be black.

That little tidbit of information goes right down the NU Orwellian memory hole.

In last Monday's edition, on page 2, crack Daily Northwestern news sleuth, Susan Du, apprised the student body of the latest criminal assault on an NU student by the local toughs who populate the "other: Evanston.

"A Northwestern student standing on the porch of his apartment was robbed early Sunday morning... At approximately 1:20 a.m., four male teenagers walking on the 2000 block of Ridge Avenue...grabbed the student's smart phone and fled westbound on Leon Place, the student told officers. Evanston and University Police were unable to locate the four teenagers, described as 16 to 17 years old and ranging from 5'7" to 5'10" tall.

The student could not offer a more detailed description of the teens, according to the notification."

HMMM. What's wrong with this picture?

Evanston Youths of Indeterminate Race

How about the race of the assailants? Does the erudite Ms. Du mean to suggest to us that the victim was capable of reporting the precise heights and age range of these latest assailants yet was incapable of distinguishing the fact that they were, in fact, black?

This comes on the heels of a September 26th report in the Daily Northwestern about a white student who was pistol-whipped and robbed near campus, when they likewise neglected to report that the assailants were black.

So NU students, go ahead and live in your little Daily Northwestern induced PC fantasyland, if you like. As for me, I'm walking down another street when I see a gang of 4 black Evanston "youths" approaching.

And maybe also putting my hand around the grip of my concealed firearm.

Our Salute to Polish Hip-Hop Culture

We have been quite remiss in neglecting coverage of Chicago's teeming Polish-American community. With a total of 179,868 Polish born as of 2007 Community Survey U.S. Census data, it no longer can boast of being a larger population than Krakow, but Chicago's Poles remain a very formidable presence here.

We heartily apologize for having overlooked this year's big Taste of Polonia festivities in Jefferson Park over the Labor Day weekend. So to compensate, however belatedly, we are offering our readers this bit of interesting Polish culture, seldom experienced in Chicago, genuine Polish hip-hop:

Enjoy! or perhaps we should say: Cieszyć się!

Michelle Obama Should Shut Down Gene & Jude's Hot Dog Stand

Gene & Jude's were ranked best
hot dogs in nation by several surveys

Our petite First Lady, Michelle Obama is in Chicago today to lecture us on inner city "food deserts" and later dine with members of the upper 1% to cajole them out of their money for her spouse's campaign.

As most know, the svelte Michelle has spent her White House years busily sermonizing over the need for healthy food.

She has been shaming and forcing schools into replacing nachos and pizza with carrot sticks. She has bullied soup makers into purging their products of dreaded salt.

And she has sponsored a "National Dance Day" to encourage us sluggards to exercise so that we too might have buttocks and thighs as firm and pert as her very own.

So while she is back here, I say she should take a side trip out to suburban River Grove and safeguard our very lives by shutting down that house of gastronomic terrors and early sclerotic death, Gene & Jude's Hot Dogs.

I was recently out in the near Western Chicago suburbs with a friend who regularly works out that way and he insisted that we lunch at the famous Gene & Jude's hot dog stand.

By 11:30 the place was packed
with lots of city employees

I had never heard of the joint, but he raved about it. He said it was voted the best hot dog in America, bar none. And sure enough, an internet search revealed that it was voted as making America's best hot dog by "Every Day with Rachel Ray" and the "Serious Eats" blog.

When we got there at around 11:30 the place was already packed. The parking lot was 80% full and a line snaked around the interior of the diner-like edifice.

Inside, assembly line style, 11 workers mechanically took and filled orders for Gene & Jude's very limited menu of hot dogs, double dogs and tamales and fries.

All the dogs came with heavily salted, fresh cut, oily fries packed in the wrapper atop the dog. In a rather idiotic nod to Chicago tradition, you can't get ketchup there, even for your fries. But the counter along the walls had at least a dozen full-sized cardboard salt containers, in case you wanted an extra dose.

Self-appointed food
nanny Michelle Obama

I noticed that the place was packed with Chicago city employees (the city is just across River Road) and airport employees. One guy wearing a shirt emblazoned with "Airport Security" walked out with about eight orders. Seems like the TSA crowd needs oily fast-food fare to fuel up for a busy afternoon of goosing and groping the travelling citizenry.

The place has been inducted into the Vienna Beef Hall of Fame, but I wasn't exactly bowled over by their dogs. I'd rather mine slathered in green relish and mustard with tomato slices, raw onion bits, a kosher pickle atop and a dash of celery salt as opposed to Gene and Jude's rather Spartan garnishment of mere onions and mustard.
Still the fact remains that the iconic establishment is very popular and wildly unhealthful. This is of particular import to the Chicago taxpayers, since so many city payrollers flock to the joint. We will be stuck with the bills for their artery cleaning and post-gripper care and future gripper prevention.

Self-appointed food nanny Michelle Obama should swoop right in there and snatch up those death provending salt cans. She should confiscate those cancerous red hots and pour those gallons of artery clogging oil (is it unsaturated?) down the drain.

Michelle should give them the ultimatum -- fresh raw vegetables and fruit juices fill your menu from now on or out of business you go!

But just as Chicago's school kids are filling cafeteria trash bins with Michelle's healthful celery stalks and carrot sticks -- with a menu like that -- out of business Gene and Jude's would go.

Now Durbin Wants Baseball Chewing Ban

Sox Hall of Fame 2nd Baseman
and noted tobacco chewer Nelly Fox

This Illinois Democrat Senator Dick Durbin is getting to be one annoying asshole.

First he sponsored a bill to preclude banks from collecting fees for debit card use from his pals at Walmart and his other big retailer contributors.

Consequently, banks now have to shake you and me down $5 a month to underwrite the costs of processing debit card use.

Now Durbin, ever the buttinsky, has urged Major League Baseball to ban chewing tobacco and any other tobacco products during the upcoming World Series.

Let's see, unemployment's effectively above 10%, mortgage foreclosures are still rampant, the cost of living's climbing -- yea, this is what I want my U.S. Senator to be agonizing over -- baseball players dipping Skoal and chewing Red Man.

Nelly Fox must be turning over in his grave.

Schaumburg District 211 Foot-Dragging on Transparency: Teachers Salaries Listed

Million dollar decisions are made at HS District 211's
sparsely attended Board meetings

For several months, parents and taxpayers' advocates have been politely asking the Board of Palatine-Schaumburg High School District 211 to stream their school board meetings on-line.

This is hardly an onerous request. Many school districts do it gladly to save parents the trouble of getting a baby-sitter and travelling out on a work night to see their elected representatives making decisions that effect their kids.

But the honchos at District 211 have been hemming and hawing and finding scores of obstacles. To hear them explain it, you would think parents and taxpayers were asking them to land a unionized teacher on the moon.

District 211, the state's largest school district, operates 5 High Schools -- Palatine H.S., Schaumburg H.S., Hoffman Estates H.S., William Fremd H.S., James B. Conant H.S. and serves more than 12,500 students from Hoffman Estates, Inverness, Palatine, Schaumburg, and portions of Arlington Heights, Elk Grove Village, Hanover Park, Rolling Meadows, Roselle, South Barrington, and Streamwood in the northwest suburbs of Chicago.

Those facilities are crawling with hi-tech devices and one would guess more than their share of techno geeky kids who could have a webcam up and running on-line in no time.

So why the High School District 211 foot dragging?

Maybe they would just as soon keep parents and taxpayers in the dark about some of the decisions they make at their meetings.

Like their acquiescence in the bloated District 211 teachers and administrators salaries. Here is a complete list of 2010 District 211 salaries, garnered from the Family Taxpayers Foundation teachers salary database:

Teacher Salary Database

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Township HSD 211 2010 - --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

NAME SALARY
Abbott, Charles $69,340
Acosta, Andres $113,227
Adamski, Suzanne $109,033
Adcock, Jason $87,388
Ahn, Mark $68,761
Aikens, James $128,158

CUSD 300 Teachers Rally To Drive Sears To Texas: CUSD 300 Teachers Salaries Listed Here

CUSD 300 union teachers
rallying to milk Sears dry

Posted below are the salaries of all teachers and administrators in the Algonquin/Carpentersville/Hoffman Estates area Community Unit School District 300.

That district runs Dundee High School, H.D. Jacobs High School and Hampshire High School as well as 13 pre-schools, 17 elementary and 6 middle schools in the Northwest Chicago suburbs.

It's been in the news lately since Sears, which was induced to move its corporate HQ and training facility into their taxing district, has threatened to move unless its promised tax breaks are extended.

Interestingly, Sears has been seriously looking at moving out of high-tax, heavily Democrat Illinois to 2 states, Ohio and Texas, which are run by Republican Governors committed to job growth thru low taxes and a laissez faire regulatory posture.

Sears' relocation would cost the area 6,000 private sector jobs at a bare minimum.

The union teachers and education establishment administrators of CUSD 300 have been in a frenzy over the prospect of the tax incentive extension for Sears. They don't want it.

The CUSD 300 Superintendent is one Michael Bregy who just moved into the $242k job and has 96 teachers and administrators who haul down more than $100k a year.

He says he wants some vague, unspecified, "alternatives to be developed" to save Sears' 6,000 jobs while at the same time milking them for all they're worth. Bregy wants "creative thinking" and a resistance to the "hostage mentality" of fearing corporate relocation.

CUSD's education establishment held a big rally yesterday to whip up opposition to the tax incentive for Sears. And if they succeed in pressuring legislators to tax Sears, it is almost a certainty that the corporation will pick up its 6,000 local jobs and simply move.

That reminds me an awful lot of the black sheriff in "Blazing Saddles" who threatened to shoot himself if he didn't get his way. (You can see the hilarious clip of that scene here.)

Here is a complete list of the 2010 teachers and administrators salaries for CUSD 300 as reported by the Carpentersville-based Family Taxpayers' Foundation's Teachers' Salary Database:

Teacher Salary Database
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
CUSD 300 2010 - --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

NAME SALARY Aalfs, James $103,112
Aboy, Cristina $0
Acevedo, Nicole $50,490
Achtstatter, Julie $35,825
Adame, Shiloh $49,349
Adams, Belinda $53,478
Adler, Leigh $77,328

Chicagoan Jan Terri in Running For Worst Music Video Ever

Chicago Chanteuse and
YouTube Sensation, Jan Terri

With more than 1.7 million views so far, Chicagoan, Jan Terri may well win the YouTube competition for worst music video ever.

The charming Windy City chanteuse has created a video containing her ethereal musical strains accompanied by panoramic Chicago sites -- the skyline, Edens Expressway, (the former) Sears Tower, River North, the lakefront, O'Hare airport.

Particularly of note is the lyrically elegant and grammatically interesting line: "I can't take it no more."

We are told she was entirely serious when she did this:



Ms. Terri has a complete CD (we are not making this up)containing this and many more of her interesting vocal offerings which may be perused here.

It comes with free shipping.

It's Skokie Police Seatbelt Revenue Day

For about the past 40 years, the Village of Skokie has been trying to figure out ways of revitalizing its decrepit downtown section.

They tried calling it a "Fashion Center" hoping to attract clothiers to its vacant storefronts, but all it attracted was one of those cheap fruit markets and a bunch of Tae Kwon Do storefront self-defense schools. (These are proving immensely popular now that Skokie is home to many Section 8 apartment dwellers from the old CHA housing projects, including a celebrated member of last summer's Chicago black mob attacks.)

Potemkin Village-style, they tried putting fancy facades in front of all the vacant storefronts with uplifting slogans about a revitalized downtown Skokie. It looked a bit better, but generated not a farthing in new tax revenue.

So it seems that the big-spending, ever burgeoning Skokie government has hit upon a tried and true cash-generating strategy, as old as the small town Mississippi speed trap: shaking down passing motorists.

Today at 9:15 am, there were 4 Skokie Policemen, on foot, conducting a roadblock at the corner of Niles Center Rd. and Lincoln Avenue -- the gateway to (or exit from) Skokie's downtown commercial ghost town.

They were checking for seatbelt use and issuing tickets.

A beautiful clear sunny morning -- scores of cars equipped with airbags and a plethora of hi-tech safety gadgets, on a 30 mph street -- and Skokie is using government force to insure that all you entering and exiting drivers are safely ensconced in your seatbelts.

And to see that you are safely relieved of your cash.

Germany's Perplexing Love Affair With David Hasselhoff

To Germans the American B grade
actor is bigger than the Beatles

People say that the Germans have no sense of humor, but I say that is a bum rap.

For instance, Germans think that David Hasselhoff is one of the greatest pop singers of all time.

Now that is funny!

I first learned this several years back when a German friend told me that David Hasselhoff had become a big star in Germany.

My first reaction was: who? But upon reflection I recalled that he was the big, hunky grade B TV actor of 70s soap operas, 80s Knight Rider and 90s Baywatch fame.

And then my German friend apprised me that Hasselhoff was famous in Germany as a pop music singing sensation.

To which I replied: You've got to be kidding!

You see, among sentient Americans, the chisel-featured, barrel-chested, 59 year old German-American is barely considered an actor. And he decidedly is not considered a singer.

There is one basic reason for this and that is that David Hasselhoff cannot sing.

AOL Radio rated Hasselhoff's big German hit
among the top 100 worst pop songs of all time

Oh yes, he can passably carry a tune, just as any Chicago electrician might after downing several pitchers of beer while out with the boys at the local saloon on karaoke night.

And put him in a hi-tech recording studio with knob-turning, audio witch doctors and a large chorus of back up singers and he might turn out something with a vaguely discernible resemblance to music.

And yet for the past two decades, from '89 to the present (he has a 2011 album at #3 in Austria and high on the German charts), David Hasselhoff has been to German audiences and record buyers, bigger than the Beatles -- better than Elvis.

To Americans, this is befuddling and mind-numbing.

It ranks in incomprehensibility with the adulation that the French have accorded to the asinine 50's American comic actor, Jerry Lewis. The surrender monkeys actually think that Lewis is a comedic genius. YIKES!

In Germany, Hasselhoff cashed in with an output of genuinely banal, garage band-quality, soft rock, reminiscent of AM radio fare from his 80s and 90s TV heyday.

Baywatch buddies Hasselhoff and
Pamela Anderson now (l) and then (r)

Compounding the aural atrocity, Hasselhoff churned out some truly hideous covers of iconic American pop classics.

If you ever really want to ruin your day, just listen to Hasselhoff mangle the soft, vibrant Mamas and the Papas '67 classic, California Dreamin'. (You can hear it here, if you really feel you must.)

And if you live in a high-rise, please, stay away from the balcony if you should decide to listen to Hasselhoff butcher the Beachboys' classic ode to summer fun, California Girls -- you just might be tempted to jump off.

Hasselhoff's European anthem is a tediously droning song entitled, Looking For Freedom. AOL Radio ranked it as #98 on the list of the 100 worst pop songs ever recorded. No self respecting American record label would give it a second glance. No American FM pop station would give it the time of day. Yet this audio atrocity reached #1 on the German and Swiss charts in 1989.

There are 310 million Americans and I would hazard to say that about 200 million of them possess greater vocal talent than David Hasselhoff -- yet he is the one we exported to Europe.

Worse than that, the Germans not only bought his shtick, but they actually think that Hasselhoff is the greatest thing to hit Europe since the panzerfaust --- or the Stuka dive bomber.

Here is Hasselhoff's Looking for Freedom, rated among top 100 worst pop songs of all time by AOL radio, it reached #1 in Germany and Switzerland and #3 in Austria in '89:



Here he mangles Johnny Rivers' Secret Agent Man. (Warning, if you have dogs, please put them in the yard as Hasselhoff's off key screeching may induce them to howl in agony.) This is arguably the worst vocal effort you may ever hear in your lifetime:

Eurovision Song Contest Worried About Muslim Terrorism

Eurovision organizers are worried over possible
Moslem Terrorism at their 2012 event in Baku

The Eurovision Song Contest is a big deal in Europe. It's kind of a super, multinational version of American Idol that has been going on every year since 1956.

But this year, for the first time ever, it is being held in a Moslem country and European officials are scared to death that Moslem terrorists might try to turn the event into an anti-European bloodbath.

Customarily, the event is hosted by the country which produced the preceding year's winning act. Last year it was won by Ell/Nikki, a singing duo from Azerbaijan who aped American pop sounds with almost perfect Midwestern US accents.

As a result, the 2012 event will be held in scenic Baku. (So after Oslo and Dusseldorf, do you think there might be just a little dropoff in Euro music fan attendance this year?)

The event, by tradition should go to Ell/Nikki's country, a former Soviet state with a 99.2% Moslem population, a strong radical Wahabi Muslim sect, an Al Quaeda presence and a history of Moslem terrorism.

As a result, the governing board of the Eurovision Song Contest has taken the odd step of demanding written assurances from the former Soviet, Moslem host country of: 1) security guarantees for the thousands of participants and guests 2) a relaxation of Soviet-style travel and visa impediments and 3) guarantees of freedom of speech and press in accordance with the European Convention on Human Rights.

Eurovision's chief honcho, anticipating resistance from the former Soviets issued a blunt statement:

 "A commitment to these fundamental circumstances has been the cornerstone of the success of the Eurovision Song Contest since its foundation in 1956," says Dr. Frank-Dieter Freiling, Chairman of the Reference Group, adding that "2012 is no exception to that."

(I have a copy of the Eurovision news release which contains all of the above. The news release has strangely disappeared from the Press section news release archive of the Eurovision Song Contest website.)
In an email to the Chicago Lampoon, Jarmo Siim, a PR shill for Eurovision tried to pooh-pooh the unusual request as a routine matter. But when asked if the same worried request was made of the last 2 previous host countries, Germany and Norway, he sidestepped the question.

No doubt, the Eurovision bureaucrats, with a strong interest in making things seem normal, will play down their worries over Europeans getting massacred by crazed Moslems at the May 2012 event in Baku.

But I'm taking no chances. I think I'll just stay home this year and enjoy my old clips of ABBA's 1974 Eurovision Song Contest win. Here is the official 1974 Eurovision video of ABBA singing its winning entry, Waterloo:

Benson & Hedges 100s: Saturday Smoking Lounge

It's odd, but true. The 100mm cigarette or "longs", so common today did not exist until 1967 when Benson & Hedges introduced them.

Benson and Hedges was a long-standing British cigarette manufacturer which was the official supplier of smokes to the British Royal family.

Its American branch was bought by Phillip Morris in 1954. The brand was among the least popular here until 1967, when B&H retained the ad agency of Wells, Rich, Greene to introduce its new, longer, 100 mm cigarette.

They came out with a series of semi-humorous, Clio-award winning ads playing, tongue-in-cheek, on the "disadvantages" of the longer cigarette.

Benson & Hedges became a big seller almost instantly and competing brands hurried out their own 100s to try and keep their brand loyalty.

Here is one of the Clio award-winning commercials. Look closely at the character in the boat, he is an, as yet undiscovered, McLean Stevenson:

Cheese in the News: Controversies Abound

Barristers for Foamation Inc. threatened a lawsuit
over the use of their trademarked headgear

The busybody health-nut assault on the American gastronomy marches on unabated.

News now comes from North of the cheddar curtain that the iconic Green Bay Packers and Wisconsin Badgers cheesehead has been subject to a sacrilegious assault.

It seems that a group of health food buttinskys calling themselves the Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine, erected a billboard outside Green Bay's Lambeau Field illustrating the horrors of cheese consumption with a grim reaper attired in a cheesehead.

Barristers for Foamation, Inc., makers of the Wisconsin hi-fashion haberdashery, cried foul and forced the medical chicken-littles to airbrush out their trademarked headgear.

Still the medical flimflammers remain unrepentant, insisting that cheese consumption is a major source of most of what ails America. They rail against consumption of cheeseburgers, pizza, nachos and other cheese-laden death traps.

The health-nut MDs also rail against
cheeseburgers, pizza and nachos

The killjoy quacks have also come out against hot-dog consumption and we are eagerly awaiting their guilty verdict on Wisconsin's beloved bratwurst.

Our self-appointed First Food Nanny, the svelte, Michelle Obama, is reportedly watching the Wisconsin food fight with rapt attention.

Now Its Payback Time For IL GOP Dream Act Sellout Senators

Flanked by members of the ICIRR illegal alien lobby
Gov. Quinn celebrates passage of "Dream Act"

On May 4th, the Illinois State Senate passed a bill to grant in-state tuition to the offspring of illegal aliens illicitly residing in Illinois.

Eleven Republican State Senators voted for the bill along with the Democrat majority.

With a mariachi band playing giddily at the state capitol, that august body voted 45-11 to pass the cutely monikered, "Dream Act," which also facilitated the setup of a scholarship fund for the illegals, which, for now, will be privately endowed.

The illegal alien lobby, ICIRR was ecstatic and with good reason. For two decades they have been pushing illegal alien amnesty, one drink at a time. So this was a full fledged boilermaker with 100 proof booze.

Veiled with high-sounding humanitarian concern "for the children," (it's always for the kiddies) it constituted yet another step toward legitimizing the half million illegals who snuck across our borders and squatted  within the confines of this particular state.

A mariachi band played giddily at the State Capitol

The bill would have waltzed through the Democrat dominated upper chamber without the encouragement of the RINO 11. But their apparent insulting dismissal of their middle class conservative voting base -- and their apparent unconcern for the citizen children of the middle class -- is more than a simple insult.

The "combine" GOP establishment should be told to kiss their dream of a GOP state Senate majority goodbye, because thoughtful citizens shouldn't consider even lifting a finger for these sellouts. These 11 pols cast their lot with the imagined  power of pro-illegal alien voter cohorts. I hope they get lots of liberal Latino votes, because I think -- some of them at least -- will need them.

Of the dirty eleven, nine are seeking re-election and will be on the ballot on March 12th. Some are in safe seats. Some are not. And some will face primary challenges.

Here's a rundown:

State Senator Pam Althoff 32nd district, McHenry County has announced that she is running for re-election. She not only voted for the de-facto amnesty grab, but sent out a news release saying what a great thing it was.

State Senator Larry Bomke Springfield area, 50th district has announced that he, having been gerrymandered out of his base, is not running. He is going back to his real estate business. Good Riddance! (And good luck in this RE market.)

State Senator Bill Brady, from the 44th district Springfield area, was the milquetoast GOP candidate for Governor last time who defied a nationwide anti-Democrat trend and lost to the clownish Pat Quinn. He has announced that he will be running for reelection.

Brain dead GOP combine clowns Dillard and Brady
were all for the illegal alien aid bill but Dillard
may have a primary fight

State Senator Kurt Dillard of the DuPage suburban 24th district has announced that he is running, but in his redrawn district he will likely face a primary challenge from State Rep Chris Nybo. Watch this one!

State Senator Dan Duffy 26th district Lake & McHenry Co. & Barrington announced he will be running.

State Senator Tom Johnson, of the 48th West suburban dist, was the 65 year old seat warmer, hand picked by the RINO party chairmen to fill Cong. Randy Hultgren's seat. He said he is not running. Good riddance!

State Senator Matt Murphy said he will be running for reelection to his Northwest suburban, 27th district seat. This is the fat-faced guy who is always making noises about his fiscal conservatism, but he's happy to turn a blind eye to the costs of educating (and feeding and giving hospital care)half a million 3rd world illegal alien settlers. Perhaps he should have noticed the fact that the ICIRR illegal alien lobby was one of the groups down in Springfield in February 2010 demanding an increase in the Illinois state income tax rates.State Senator Christine Radogno will be seeking reelection from her 41st dist West suburban seat which includes Burr Ridge, Darien, Downers Grove, Homer Glen, Indian Head Park, LaGrange, Lemont, Lisle, Naperville, Western Springs, Willowbrook & Woodridge.

She is the first ever female Republican State Senate minority leader. Kind of makes you want to re-think woman's suffrage, doesn't it?


If she can avoid domestic battery charges
 illegal alien fan Suzi Schmidt will run again


State Senator Ron Sandack of Downers Grove, was appointed to his seat and he was then thrown into the same district as Radogno. So he is now seeking the 81st district House seat. He'll likely have a primary challenge. Watch this one!!

State Senator Suzi Schmidt, she of domestic battery fame, has announced that she will seek reelection to her 31st district seat which includes Beach Park, Grayslake, Gurnee, Ingleside, Lindenhurst, Old Mill Creek, Round Lake, Third Lake, Wadsworth, Winthrop Harbor and Zion.

State Senator Dave Syverson, the perennial combine poster boy has said that he will be running in his Belvidere, DeKalb area rural district.

Keep an eye on these clowns. And remember how they spit in your face this past May 4th.

Evanston Cops Beat Bushes For Teen Potheads-NU Student Mugged At Gunpoint

To combat its burgeoning crime rate, Evanston has begun putting walking beat cops on the streets. They can be regularly seen in the downtown commercial district but I didn't know they were out beating the bushes along the sewerage canal on the North suburban city's West side.

Word comes on page 2 of last Friday's edition of the Daily Northwestern (The Big-10's first all girl newspaper) that 2 Evanston cops were on foot patrol last Tuesday at 5pm traversing a path in the weeds along the Peter Jans golf course.

There, along the sewerage canal they spied 2 teen age miscreants sitting on a bridge and smoking a yellow bong.

Crack EPD Wilderness Trackers
nabbed Teen potheads

The EPD Daniel Boone wilderness trackers nabbed the fiends, confiscated the bong and a green organic substance which tested positive for cannibis, and carted these vicious desparados off to the Evanston hoosegow.

All in an Evanston lawman's day's work.

Meanwhile word comes from WLS radio news of the first armed mugging of a Northwestern student of the fall semester.Barely had the orientation guides finished herding around the gaggles of incoming freshmen in their geeky green "Class of 2015" t-shirts, than the local Evanston toughs were resuming their annual open season on Northwestern students.

At 12:15 on Sunday morning, two black men in their 20s found a stray Northwestern student sauntering on Orrington near Simpson St. They put the NU kid in a headlock and pulled a gun on him demanding his wallet. When he said he didn't have his wallet, they pistol-whipped him, shoved him to the ground and drove off.

Evanston's hate crimestoppers in action

Evanston police say they are investigating and Northwestern University has issued its predictable student security alert.

Meanwhile the Evanston City Council has stepped up its anti crime regimen by 1) outlawing Tilted Kilt sexy bars, lest libidinous middle aged conventioneers begin accosting Evanston's maidens in the streets 2) declaring war on plastic bag litterers by considering a city-wide ban on all grocery store bags , 3)reaffirming the city's status as a "Nuclear Free Zone" and 4) sponsoring its annual 5k run against "hate crimes."

So the moral of the story is if you find yourself with an uncontrollable urge to stoke up a blunt while in Evanston, be sure to do it in the weeds on the Skokie side of the sewerage canal and if you must travel to Evanston be sure to bring your own recyclable shopping bag --- and a bullet-proof vest.

Saturday Smoking Lounge: Come To Marlboro Country

Anyone who was old enough to sit in front of the boob tube in the 60s certainly remembers the Marlboro Man TV commercials.

With the stirring Western theme (it was the musical score for the classically great movie, The Magnificent 7) and the Marlboro Man with his chiseled masculine features, they were as much a part of the 60s TV landscape as Andy Griffith or the Beverly Hillbillies.

More than anything, the Marlboro Man ads were responsible for propelling Marlboro from an also-ran brand in the 50s to the #1 worldwide best seller.

"Boros" as we called them, were this writer's constant companion through the first two years of undergraduate education (we could even smoke in lecture halls and in discussion rooms), before they were replaced by Camel straights, with their higher quality Turkish tobaccos.

Take a trip down memory lane with this 1963 black and white video of the softer-themed version of the Marlboro Man TV commercial:

(you have to adjust the video down to 240p to get this to run)

Chicago Media Maintains Race Reporting Double Standard

WLS reported that the suspect in the
Avondale hit-and-run killing was a "man."

The racial censorship double standard continues in Chicago's ever politically-correct liberal news media.

WLS radio reported this morning that the suspect in Monday's River North bank robbery was "a blond haired, white woman wearing a baseball cap and pony tail."

For the past 2 days they have reported that the suspect in the Sunday hit-and-run killing of 82 year old Margaret Heffernan was "a man in his 20s or 30s wearing dark clothing."

Privately, Chicago Police say the suspect is "dark skinned, Hispanic in appearance."

Given the epidemic of Latino hit-and-run crimes in the Chicago area, that should come as no surprise.

But the Chicago news media won't give the full description of the Latino suspect. They just want you to keep on the lookout for a man.

The Chicago Tribune's milquetoast editor, Gerould Kern said on June 10th that racial descriptions of suspects serve no useful social purpose.

And lefty Tribune columnists Mary Schmich and Dawn Turner Trice wrote that racial descriptions of minority criminal suspects make minorities feel bad so they should be relegated to the Orwellian memory hole.

So all you citizen crimestoppers out there, keep a sharp lookout for a man, 20 to 30 years old.

Big Chicken Flap in Chicago's 18th Ward

Alderman Lona Lane of the far South side 18th ward has embarked on a crusade to keep Chicago chicken-free. I have seldom been in agreement with this Obamaite, liberal Democrat solon, but on this score I am 100% in her corner.

Ms. Lane has introduced a bill to the Chicago City Council to ban chicken coops, chicken breeding and chicken keeping in her Marquette Park area ward.

Why, you might ask, has this become an issue?

Well it seems that some of our fellow citizens are chicken fanciers who have taken to keeping sizable assemblages of the fowl things on their urban properties.

Much of this activity seems to be taking place in Ms. Lane's 18th ward.

In fact, the 18th ward chicken advocates have organized themselves into a Google group entitled (I am not making this up) The Chicago Chicken Enthusiasts Group.

There and on their Facebook page, they gather to chat about chicken lore, exchange chicken-raising tips and to hatch dark plots to foil Alderman Lane's onerous anti-chicken legislation.

I learned about this roiling controversy by tuning in left-wing WCPT radio's Sunday morning Mike Nowak gardening show yesterday. On the "sustainable food segment" of his broadcast Nowak interviewed one Michelle Thoma, a chicken-fancier and ringleader of the Google chicken enthusiasts group.

Ms. Thoma said she raises chickens on the roof of her urban abode. Kind of free roof range chickens.

She says she does this because the chickens supply her with healthful, organic, chemical free eggs and because chickens are really nice animals.

Her cantankerous neighbors do not agree.

They object to her rooster's around-the-clock cock-a-doodle-dooing (as loud as a dog's barking), to the defecatory odors emitted by the fowl creatures and to the notion that her aviary is giving the neighborhood the ambience of Jed Clampett's pre-Beverly Hills, Bugtussle, N.C.

Alderman Lane tends to agree and adds that urban chicken-keeping can lead to avian diseases that would kill robins and sparrows and other nice birds.

The WCPT chicken enthusiast said that she will be conducting her annual informational chicken tour of the ward (formerly called hen-a-palooza) this coming Sunday for the benefit of Aldermanic staffers and others to allay citizen chicken concerns.

To counteract this insidious pro-chicken propaganda, The Chicago Lampoon, in conjunction with Alderman Lona Lane's office will be conducting an anti-chicken teach-in at the very same time.

It will take place next Sunday from 1 to 2pm at the W. 87th Street and Western Avenue KFC.

All are invited.

Saturday Smoking Lounge: Tareyton As High Art

Tareyton's became one of the first, more or less, light cigarettes, in the 60's when they introduced some kind of charcoal filter.

In prep school, one of our proctors (a senior who was 17 years old or so) would have his mother buy him a carton of Tareyton's every week or so.

We would think it a matter of high scientific exploration to take apart his Tareyton filters to find the little mound of granulated charcoal inside.

But in the 50's, before they instituted this great smoking innovation, and before they came out with their famous, "I'd rather fight than switch," commercials, it seems that Tareyton was best known for the high art of its TV commercials as in the following Tareyton TV ad:



Today in this benighted era of tacit tobacco prohibition, Tareytons are still available, but only at specialty tobacco shops or on-line.

Arne Duncan: Let's Double Bloated Teachers' Salaries

Arne "Goober" Duncan

Arne Duncan is Obama's education Czar who was the mastermind of the laughably inept Chicago Public School System, where a full 6% of high school freshmen will earn a bachelor's degree by age 25.

Exhibiting the same jackassery that animated his Chicago performance, Duncan said Friday that we should double the salaries of America's unionized government school teachers.

Apparently no one sent Duncan the memo which shows that most government school teachers are as wildly overpaid as they are poorly educated.

Make no mistake about it, government school teachers are ridiculously overpaid. A full 55% of the teachers at the Highland Park/Deerfield High School pull down more than six figures a year for their 9 month gigs.

Retired Illinois teachers haul in up to 85% of their highest career salaries for life. That is why, in some downstate Illinois towns, the richest person is a retired public school teacher.

But Arne Duncan says taxpayers should double their salaries.

This prompted WLS radio talker, Don Wade, on Tuesday to wonder aloud, "Who are these people in the Obama White House?"

It prompted me to add aloud, "And what planet did they come from?"

Here, from the Family Taxpayers Foundation Teachers salary database are the top 200 salaries of Illinois Public school employees for 2010. Arne Duncan says they should be doubled:


All Districts for for 2010:

Russell, Lucille $413,000
Engler, Thomas $350,154
Dada, M Mohsin $341,747
Fleming, Larry $334,912
Lamberson, Jonathan $318,324
Giannetti, Glen $307,471
Many, Thomas $299,600
Harper, John $297,605
May, Loren $292,157
Mical, Gary $288,564

Amnesty For Jailed Illegals in Fantasyland Cook County

Amnesty author "Chuy" Garcia at ICIRR rally

The illegal alien lobbyists of the Illinois Coalition for Immigrant and Refugee Rights (ICIRR) were positively abuzz will glee over the Cook County Board's Wednesday vote to grant de facto amnesty to Chicago's border jumpers.

By a 10-5 vote, that august body decreed that illegal aliens currently residing in the Cook County hoosegow should be set free to prowl Chicago's streets. This rather than turn them over to the deportation-obsessed storm troopers of the ICE.

Board members and the ever-gullible Chicago news media were under the impression that the amnesty would only apply to illegal aliens being held for misdemeanors.But within 24 hours of the diktat, the nation's second largest county was turning illegal alien felons out onto the streets.

The author of the law, Southwest side Democrat Commissioner, Jesus "Chuy" Garcia and his pals at ICIRR appeared jointly to laud the benevolent development.

After all, what's a felony or two by some of Chicago's storm-tossed huddled masses, just yearning to be free and to do jobs the flaccid Americano just won't do?

Cynics will wonder what will transpire when one of the furloughed illegal alien miscreants ends up pulling a Willie Horton a few weeks after release.

Willie Horton

Willie, you will recall, was the fellow furloughed from jail by Massachusetts Governor Mike Dukakis, who while free went on a rape and murder spree.

But while that would be a cause for distress elsewhere, here in fantasyland, multiculturalist PC Chicago it would be no problemo.

You see, the Chicago news media, ever-true to its multiculturalist credo, seldom reports the race or immigration status of such persons when it might be an embarassment to the overall self-esteem of the preferred, protected race or ethnic group.

The editor of the Chicago Tribune has said that this "report-no-evil" is the enlightened policy of his forward thinking journal.

So if one of the released illegal aliens, who should have been deported, goes on a rapacious, murderous crime spree, we simply won't know about it.

Problem solved.

Braille Instructions for Diaper Changing

Most of us by now have seen the profusion of diaper changing stations springing up in the rest rooms of Chicago's fast food joints and other public accomodations.

They're now in all the area McDonald's and Jewel-Osco's.

Thankfully, not having need for their employment, I have seldom paid them much mind. But on one recent visit to such an accomodation, as will happen there, I found myself with time to ponder the device which was hanging on the wall across from the place of my seated repose.

There I discovered that the Koala Kare Products Corporation, of Englewood, Colorado, thoughtfully provided instructions for the use of its diaper changing table in English, Spanish, French, Italian, German, Japanese and Braille.

Now I can understand the need for multi-lingual diaper changing instructions, given the hordes of Germans, Italians and Japanese who are illegally flooding over our borders and snapping up all the child care-diaper changing jobs that Americans just won't do.

But braille?

Do you really want a blind person caring for your kiddie? Do you really want a blind person taking your baby out to a McDonalds, stumbling up to the counter to buy him a Happy Meal and then fumbling his or her way over to the rest room to read the braille instructions before changing his diaper?

I have noticed that Obama has been on the airwaves with a public service announcement touting the wonders of the Americans with Disabilities Act on its 20th anniversary.

These braille diaper changing instructions, are, no doubt, required by the ADA and a testimony to its wonderful works.

But if you feel you really must hire a disabled person to change your baby's diapers, rather than hire a blind person, perhaps it would be best to hire one with anosmia. That dreaded disability is defined as a lack of functioning olfaction, or in other words, an inability to perceive odors.

That would make for a happier child care employee and keep the ADA enforcers of the Obama regime happy too.

Maine Twp. School Dist. 207: Millions For Fat Salaries, Not A Penny For Transparency

Maine East High School

Posted below are the names and 2012 salaries of all teachers and administrators for Maine Township High School District 207.

(Editor's Note: When this article was initially published only the 2010 salaries were available. It has been updated to reflect the 2012 personnel and their salaries.

On June 18, 2012, the Maine Twp. District 207 school board, with only 1 dissenting vote, voted to further increase these exorbitant salaries and to add annual cost of living increases.)

Maine District 207 made the news on July 15th for being one of the area school districts that still refuses to record and put on-line the proceedings of its school board.

Maine East and Maine South and Maine West high schools and the District 207 administrative offices are wired to the hilt -- totally in step with the internet age.

But for parents and taxpayers it's the horse and buggy era. If they want to find out what their elected school board members are up to, they'll have to take off an entire night every month, get a babysitter and physically trek down to South Dee Road in Park Ridge to monitor their own school board.

Dist 207 School Bd.

You would think it would be a simple matter for a school district that has on its payroll a computer installer/repairman who is hauling down $121,274 a year as well as a business computer programmer, to whom they are forking over $106,438 a year, to simply put their meetings on-line.

But the fact is, the Maine Township school board and its fat-salaried administrators would probably just as soon not have pesky parents, taxpayers and reporters looking into what they've been up to.

And from the looks of the wildly opulent teachers salaries they've saddled the taxpayers with, I can see why.

They have an astounding 333 teachers and administrators on their payroll hauling down more than $100k a year.

You can see all of the names and salaries below, but here are some of the highlights of the Maine Twp. High schools wild salary spending spree:

--- 16 Gym Teachers hauling down between $104 and $153k a year.

--- Drivers Ed teachers being paid $149k, $145k and $121k

--- More than 20 Guidance Counselors, only 3 of which are hauling down less than $100k a year.

---Sex Ed. teachers being paid $119k, $114k and $97k

--- $137k drama coaches, $140k art teachers and a $110k dance teacher (Did Maine Twp. manage to land Sir Laurence Olivier, Pablo Picasso and Fred Astaire for these high dollar gigs?)

--- 4 librarians pulling down between $130k and $100k

--- 5 six figure social workers and 3 psychologists making between $116k and $165k

--- 9 English as a second language and bi-lingual ed teachers raking in more than six figures (remember this the next time someone tells you that there are no taxpayer costs to immigration)

And keep in mind, most of these salaries are for 9 months of work.

And keep in mind, most of these high dollar employees were from schools of education, which, according to Professor Walter Williams, are populated by the poorest students in the country with the lowest test scores.

And keep in mind, most of their "Masters degrees" were simply meaningless busy-work degrees, from these very colleges of education, which Williams calls, "the slums of American academia."

Here is a complete list of the salaries from Maine Township High School District 207. It was compiled from the database of the Family Taxpayers Foundation, which demanded them from the State Teachers' Retirement records, under the Freedom of Information Act. You can get more info on the individual payrollee (yrs. of employment, speciality etc.) by simply clicking on the name:

Teacher Salary Database Maine Township HSD 207 2012 - Download data NAME SALARY Abraham, Gilit $120,048 Adams, Allyson $76,565 Adams, Steven $149,474 Addante, Christopher $144,505 Adkins, Kenneth $71,246 Aguirre, Miguel $104,594 Albee, Erin $47,393 Alden, Aileen $94,138 Allen, Amy $137,183 Amidei, Juli $137,390 Archer, Samantha $108,580 Arguello, Jose $111,315 Atkinson, Bruce $135,213 Auge Caliendo, Suzanne $54,972 Awad, Aida $143,184 Bader, Carla $99,609 Bahamon, Rosanna $71,008 Baima, Sharon $128,954 Baker, Susan $100,737 Baldwin, Christine $138,121