Thursday, August 30, 2012

Homeless Homos Mum Over Hizzhonor's Handoff to Catholic Charities

We have been, frankly, quite perplexed over the absence of outcry from Chicago's homosexual community over Mayor Rahm Emmanuel's decision to turn over the city's homeless services to Catholic Charities.

Why have gay activists been mum over
Rahm's Catholic Charities homeless handoff?

True, one lone gay blogger expressed consternation that the hellish sons of the Spanish Inquisition might not do such things as conduct AIDS/HIV tests on homeless shelter denizens or refer them to the Gay outreach center in Boystown.

The gay blogger also protested that Catholic Charities would be averse to referring clients to Planned Parenthood. And I always thought that unwanted pregnancies were the last thing homosexuals had to worry about -- silly me..

But overall, the response has been surprisingly muted considering that homosexual activists made such a stink over Catholic adoption services.

The Catholic Charities agency had precluded homosexual couples from adopting innocent children from them. Working with the left-wing Democrats that control Illinois, the homosexual cabal forced Catholic Charities, after many decades of service, to opt out of the adoption business.
Will the Catholics deny Queen-sized
cots to homeless homo couples?

So why aren't the gay civil libertarians hollering over the likelihood that Catholic run shelters might not let their homeless fellow adherents freely engage in erotic expression on the provided cots and bunk beds?

Why aren't they caterwauling that the Popish authoritarians might outlaw water sports in the showers? And what about "married" gay couples? Will the Catholic homeless shelter administrators deny them their marital rights to frolic in Queen-sized floor mattresses?

All these lingering vital questions are hanging out there unresolved and unaddressed by Chicago's homosexual activists and we can't figure out why.

Except possibly, it's because they dare not raise a peep of protest against the author of  this move, their fellow lefty, the Rahmfather.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Free Redeye Home Delivery: The Perfect Conversation Starter

Sagacious reader, RJP, of Chicago recently wrote in commending us on our August 17th column lampooning the Tribune Corp's Redeye newspaper for dummies.
"I not only get all my news from Redeye,
but I even get it delivered to my door"

Seems she is red-faced because she somehow inadvertently subscribed to home delivery of the Redeye many years ago.

 RJP believes that she is now, quite possibly, the only person in Chicago who actually has the stupid thing delivered and as each new Redeye piles up on her doorstep, it reminds her daily that she forgot, once again, to cancel the damned thing.

She says that she never reads the thing, has stopped doing the sudoku puzzles and just having it around makes her feel like her IQ is oozing away.

We were not aware that the cheesy throwaway free paper was actually delivered, but now that we are, we're going to sign right up.

What a magnificent conversation starter this could be!

Just imagine yourself at one of the trendy pickup bars the Redeye is endlessly touting-- the ones with the $15 papaya martinis and what-not.

So there you are and across the crowded room, you see kind of intellectually-challenged looking, yet unbelievably hot chick at the bar. You are at a loss for how to approach a luscious pea-brain of this sort. What could you possibly have in common?

Then, eureka!! You remember your Redeye subscription. You simply then have to sidle up to her, put your papaya martini down on the bar and suavely say, "Have you been having problems with your Redeye home delivery, like me? The thing hasn't been arriving before 7am lately and I just can't sit down to my first cup of coffee without it."

Then she begins chattering away about the wonderful insights into Kim Kardashian's lifestyle that she's gleaned from Chicago's newspaper for blithering idiots and the two of you are well on your way to a night of magic.

Or, if for some reason, you should ever find yourself at a gathering of Chicago area SIU, NIU or Northeastern Illinois University alums -- you, as a Redeye home delivery subscriber, will have natural grist for conversation-starting.

Something like, "How much do you tip your Redeye newspaper home delivery man at Christmastime? Is $10 still acceptable, do ya think?"
The Redeye is great for igniting the kindling
in your Chicago winter  fireplace

The possibilities are endless. As a member of an elite group of Redeye subscribers, you will feel right at home with all manner of Chicagoans, who, due to differences in intelligence quotient and taste, might otherwise have seemed unapproachable -- members of gay mens'choral groups, "American Idol" devotees, hip-hop fans, bimbos who follow Charley Sheen and Paris Hilton on Twitter, hipster-doofuses who plan their summers around Lalapalooza and people who still have "Obama-Biden 2008" bumperstickers on their Subarus.

I know I'm getting on the phone right away and getting my free Redeye home delivery.

Who could pass up this opportunity to broaden one's social horizons?

And besides, It'll be fireplace time again soon and what could be more convenient on a chilly Chicago day than free kindling starter delivered right to my door?

Saturday, August 25, 2012

"Obama 2016" Showings in Chicago Area - Anti-Obama Film Surprise Summer Hit

If there is any need for further proof that the leftists in Hollywood haven't a vague clue as to what appeals to Americans, they were stunned when the anti-Obama movie, 2016, Obama's America, came in 3rd in yesterday's box office totals.

Based on conservative, Dinesh D'Souza's best-selling 2010 book, The Roots Of Obama’s Rage, the film achieved box office success despite appearing in only one third of the number of venues as most other wide release films.

Here is a brief trailer for 2016, Obama's America:

Here is a list of the Chicago area theatres, which as of this writing, are showing the anti-Obama hit film 2016, Obama's America:

Addison 21
Addison, IL

Regal Bolingbrook Stadium 12
Bolingbrook, IL

AMC Showplace Galewood 14
Chicago, IL

AMC Loews Country Club Hills 16
Country Club Hills, IL

AMC Loews Crestwood 18
Crestwood, IL

Crystal Lake Showplace Stadium 16
Crystal Lake, IL

Cinemark Century 16
Deer Park, IL

Gurnee 20
Gurnee, IL

AMC Lake in the Hills 12
Lake in the Hills, IL

Lake Zurich 12
Lake Zurich, IL

Lincolnshire Stadium 21
Lincolnshire, IL

AMC Yorktown 17
Lombard, IL

AMC Randhurst 12
Mt. Prospect, IL

AMC Showplace Naperville 16
Naperville, IL

AMC Showplace Niles
Niles, IL

Tinselton 17
North Aurora, IL

AMC Northbrook Court 14
Northbrook, IL

Round Lake Beach Stadium
Round Lake Beach, IL

AMC Loews Streets of Woodfield 20
Schaumburg, IL

AMC Showplace Village Crossing 18
Skokie, IL

Regal Gardens 7-13
Skokie, IL

AMC South Barrington 30
South Barrington, IL

Charlestown Mall 18
St. Charles, IL

Cantera Stadium 17
Warrenville, IL

AMC Loews Woodridge 18
Woodridge, IL

Woodridge 17
Woodridge, IL

Due to the initial box office success of 2016, Obama's America, more theatres are beginning to book the film, so this list should expand soon.

Friday, August 17, 2012

The Tribune's Redeye: Chicago's Newspaper for Dummies

It will soon be 10 years since the Chicago Tribune launched it's throwaway free Redeye tabloid. Those are the papers you see in those little red boxes on street corners throughout the city and nearby suburbs.

The Redeye: A newspaper for blithering idiots

We used to refer to the Redeye as "Chicago's newspaper for dummies." But a perusal of the August 8th issue has compelled us to admit our error.

Redeye is not Chicago's newspaper for dummies. It is Chicago's newspaper for complete blithering idiots.

Before launching into a scathing critique of this alleged newspaper, we must first answer the question that is, no doubt, nagging the reader: Why would literate, sentient beings like you even bother to pick up the Redeye if it is so stupid?

The answer is twofold: First -- the weather and Second -- kindling.

The first vaguely saving characteristic of this rag is that it prints little 3 day weather forecasts. They are in the form of cutesy cartoons with inane comments on the prognostication, but they do tell you the projected weather. It is probably gleaned from the Tribune's Tom Skilling which explains why the predictions are at least 40% correct.

Secondly, in certain months of the year, we find ourselves starting wood fires. This requires newspaper to kindle the pencil-sized kindling sticks, which in turn ignite the logs.

With fewer people subscribing to newspapers, it is becoming increasingly hard to find newsprint in alley recycling bags. Hence, a trip to the corner red box will yield 8 or 10 copies of Redeye, which serve to do the trick. (The Tribune's Hoy free Spanish paper will also work.)

But beyond that, there is no legitimate reason for picking up the Redeye, unless you are a total nincompoop.
The Red Eye: Music news, booze news
 and non-stop Kim Kardashian news

Take the August 8th edition.

With Syria embroiled in a bloody civil war that could ignite the volatile Mideast, with Motorola laying off another 300 Chicago area workers, with constitutionally unsettling issues haunting the ongoing Drew Petersen murder trial the Redeye devoted it's front page, lead story to the pressing issue of: "Breakup Ahead -- 6 signs you might be headed for a love interruption."

Then page 3 treats the reader to an analysis of NPR's list of teenager's favorite books -- Harry Potter, The Hobbit and the Catcher in the Rye made the list. We really needed to know that.

Then California girl, Tracy Swartz's regular CTA column on page 4 (they couldn't find a Chicagoan for this?) analyzes the relative urine stink levels at assorted CTA El stations.

Then on pages 6 and 7 you get the front page-touted 2 page spread on love affair breakup signs. And then finally the news on page 8. I say news, but at the Redeye, they really should be called "news nuggets." All they really consist of are 1 line blurbs on assorted area train derailments, knife attacks and oddball assaults.

Redeye news reports are basically abridged versions of USA Today news tidbits, if you can envision that.

The international coverage, which usually falls around page 10, likewise consists of 1 line notes on such esoterica as Filipino monsoons, Nigerian epidemics, and gambling developments in London.

After you've had your fill of news tidbits, it's on to Redeye's sports news nuggets, punctuated by an occasional abbreviated sports story, lifted from the Tribune and cutesy attempts at sports humor by a panel of Redeye staffers and various trendy stand up comics and other personnae  picked out for this.

Then the Redeye -- around page 19 -- gets down to its mainstays -- music, booze and Kim Kardashian coverage -- lots of it -- all the time.
The Redeye makes an excellent kindling starter

Charitably, the Redeye has no editorial page. That would be as taxing intellectually for its staff as for its readers.

Still it manages to inject a hefty dose of knee-jerk, left-wing bias into its product. Usually this consists of running handout photos from the Obama press office of Obama commenting on how cool the female star of the Batman movie was -- and running bits on George W. Bush's verbal gaffes -- even in 2012.

And I almost forgot to mention the Redeye's crossword puzzles. These truly are designed for the benefit of the mentally challenged and linguistically infantile. What can you say about a crossword puzzle that (I am not making this up) heaves up agonizing brain teasers like "Winnie the _ _ _ _" , "Mao _ _ _ Tung" and "Actor _ _ _ Cruise."?

Years ago, I boarded the Evanston Express sans reading material and thought I'd tackle the Redeye crossword for diversion. What a joke! Beginning at the South Blvd. station, I had it solved by Jarvis -- 3 stops away.

But there you have it --  Chicago's very own newspaper for complete blithering idiots, soon celebrating its 10th anniversary.

In the history of the Republic there have been some very formidable journalistic endeavors, which have contributed greatly to the improvement of our national civic life.

The Christian Science Monitor of the Godfrey Sperling era, the International Herald-Tribune of the Hemingway/Wm. Shirer eras, the Sacramento Bee during its Libertarian days and even the Chicago Tribune and New York Times of the first half of the 20th century.

Those were newspapers for the ages.

But the Redeye too, is a newspaper for the ages ---

ages 5 thru 12.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Evanston To Hold "Mau Mau Whitey" Seminars

Beginning tomorrow night at the Evanston City Hall, The City of Evanston will begin hosting three city-wide events entitled “My Evanston, My Neighbors: Constructive Dialogues on Race."

Madelyn Ducre: Evanston Mau-Mau

In the Obama era, a "dialogue" on racial issues means having a phalanx of cockamamie, minority race profiteers and other lefties noisily tell a flock of masochistic, self-loathing white people how awful they are.

In the early 70s, Tom Wolfe called this "Mau-Mauing." In fact he wrote a best-selling book called "Radical Chic and Mau-Mauing the Flack Catchers."

Back then, wealthy liberal New Yorkers would invite radical Black Panthers to their Manhattan salons for a fashionable soiree.

At the soiree, the Black Panthers would harangue the guilt-ridden New York liberals, yell at them, tell them how they were all miserable racists and then demand from them, sizable donations.

That was called "Mau-Mauing."

All in all an enjoyable evening in the weird world of American liberalism.

Now, Evanston's leftist Mayor, Elizabeth Tisdahl, has decided that Evanston liberals all should be able to enjoy a night (or 3) of being Mau-Maued on the city government's dime.

Hence these "Constructive Dialogues on Race."

The idea was actually the brain-child of one Evanston race huckster by the name of Madelyn Ducre.

This civic dynamo has been vocal on such issues as Evanston Police brutality, legalizing pot and keeping in place, the superfluous Evanston Township government.

In expounding on the joys of her new city-sponsored Mau mauing sessions, Ducre told the Daily Northwestern: "We're not going to stop hate overnight, but it's a start."

You can see, right off where this thing is going.

"Hate speech", "Hate crimes" and "Hate" in general are leftist code words for evil deeds perpetuated by the white man.

Be sure to be there in Evanston, tomorrow night, for this exciting new development in Obama-era, "racial dialogue."

If you're white, wear a hair shirt.