Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Precisely one year ago today, I reported on my tremendously interesting discovery that one can find free booze in the alleys of Chicago's yuppified neighborhoods on apartment moving day.
Back then, using the simple expedient of riding my bike thru the alleys of Roscoe Village, I found an entire 12 pack of Leinenkugel's beer, several unopened bottles of Spanish wine and an entire bottle of rum.
This year it was a foray thru the backways of Wrigleyville and once again I hit the mother lode.
Behind an expensive looking condo on Southport in the very shadow of Wrigley Field, I discovered a plastic storage container which contained (I am not making this up) an unopened bottle of Courvasier cognac, a 3/4 full bottle of French Grey Goose vodka, a bottle of British Tanqueray Gin, a mostly full bottle of Canadian whiskey, a 1/2 full bottle of Maker's Mark Kentucky whiskey, a book on cocktail recipes and a fancy cut glass bottle stopper.
To my mind it would have been sinful to relegate these fine potables to the city waste dump, so, given my steadfast commitment to recycling, I put the delictable potions to good use.
Is this a great city or what?
Friday, June 25, 2010
Evanston has long had a storied tradition of prudery and pecksniffery. It was, after all, home to Frances Willard one of the founders of the Women's Christian Temperance Union. Her Evanston home -- The Willard House -- served as its national headquarters and is now a designated historic monument.
As such Evanston was one of the last municipalities in the state to allow the sale of booze --this many decades after the repeal of prohibition.
When we were prep school roustabouts, we would make a point of swinging by the old WCTU HQ at 1730 Chicago Avenue and flinging our empty beer cans on the lawn -- take that, you old biddies!
Today, Evanston had become hipper, younger and leftist -- but maintains its tradition of chasing down moral bugaboos. Today, instead of going after boozehounds, it goes after racists, hatemongers and homophobes with an enthusiasm that Mrs. Willard would admire. It stages an annual " Run Against Hate" and is a sanctuary city for illegal aliens.
But I didn't expect its librarians to catch the Evanston morality fever. But it seems they have with their extremely zealous use of anti-pornography filters at the Evanston Public Library.
For almost an entire month now, its public internet connections have disabled just about anything that requires a flash player. This means that usually all of youtube is off limits there.
Recently while stopping in there for a quick email check, I tried to open a link to an article in Forbes sent by a friend.
I was notified that due to the graphics contained in the Forbes article, it was filtered by the moral guardians of the EPL. Same with all the youtube bits on my own blog -- although come to think of it, Barry Manilow and ABBA are kind of aesthetically obscene.
The librarians on the 3rd floor say they are cognizant of their filtering problems and are working on it.
I just hope their crack techno-staff solves it with greater alacrity than the geniuses who are grappling with the Gulf oil gusher -- but it seems to be taking almost as long.
So I think I'll just forgo use of the Evanston library, for now, and spend my time just down the block from Mrs. Willard's house -- swilling beer at the Celtic Knot Public House.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
But it's not true.
We can deport substantial numbers of the illegal alien squatters and can effect self deportation of most of the rest.
I'm not talking about draconian measures like President Eisenhower's "Operation Wetback" which rounded up illegals en masse and bused them back home.
But serious enforcement of existing law (including ongoing deportation) and comprehensive removal of employment and social service possibilities could readily effect removal of those who have effectively ignored our sovereign laws.
When the magnets which attract and keep illegal populations here disappear many will self-deport.
This has happened before in our history. During the darkest days of the Great Depression, tens of thousands of persons who had recently legally immigrated to the USA, faced with bleak job prospects and minimal government assistance, simply packed up and headed home.
According to the political scientist Leuchtenburg, during the dark depression years of 1930-31, the numbers of recent immigrants boarding ships for a return to Europe averaged 5,000 a month.
3,000 American immigrants actually even took up the Soviet Russian government's offer of jobs and resettlement in the workers' utopia. Seems they had full employment in the gulag state.
We have no reason to believe that self-deportation would not correspondingly occur today if all incentives to stay were eliminated. Mark Krikorian of the Center for Immigration Studies argue that as many as 50 percent of illegals would leave voluntarily if the government were to initiate an aggressive deportation policy.
When conservative Proft and leftist, Creamer, blithely assert that deportation is impossible, they are simply paving the way for yet another mass amnesty by asserting the impracticality of any alternative.
Amnesty as with the word amnesia is from the classical Greek word for 'forget.'
Either way you cut it, if you believe that deportation is impractical as with Proft or undesirable as with Creamer, you are advocating an amnesty -- that we just forget that they came illegally.
Proft may envision some scheme whereby the illegal invaders may have to pay a tax and perhaps, pretend to learn English. And Creamer may just want to legalize them all and register them to vote tomorrow, but by conceding the inevitability of their continued presence -- by refusing to consider serious enforcement and removal of incentives to stay -- they're both advocating amnesty. They're both telling us to just forget about the fact that our laws have been broken wholesale and our borders and sovereignty as a nation trampeled.
A vote on amnesty for illegal aliens is unlikely in this, an election year. The American people are overwhelmingly against it.
But if it's somehow rammed through in the future, it could well have the most societally disruptive and disasterous consequences to have been experienced in this country since the period 1861-65.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Saturday, June 12, 2010
In the wake of the Chicago City Council's measure to boycott Arizona firms, Alderman Joe Moore (D-49th) has introduced a bill to turn up the heat on that hellish state by forcing Chicago firms to boycott Arizonian foie gras.
"In solidarity with the illegal aliens of our great sanctuary city, I propose a complete boycott on the importation of all and any foie gras from Arizona, " Moore said.
"Irrespective of what may transpire elsewhere, we must show the world that we are one city that genuinely cares for its illegal aliens and geese," Moore said.
The move was heralded by Alderman Tom Tunney (D-44th) who said, "The gay community is behind this bill 8,000 percent."
Alderman Berny Stone (D-50th)awoke from his customary slumber to say, "If it's good for the city's landlords, I'm all for it."
Jesse Jackson (D-United Nations) put the issue in moral terms saying, "This is indeed a civil rights issue. As our great Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ so clearly put it: 'That which you do unto the least of my geese, you do unto me.'"
Joshua Hoyt, director of the chief illegal alien lobby in Illinois, the Chicago Coalition for Immigrant and Refugee Rights, predicted widespread support for Moore's bill. "We must remember that no goose is illegal. Geese are people too," he said.
The bill is expected to pass the City Council by the usual 50-0 margin.
Friday, June 4, 2010
This past week I ran into a very interesting high fashion designer. A 3rd generation sansei, Japanese American, she graduated from New York's Fashion Institute of Technology and spent years in the realm of Manhattan high powered fashion design.
She commented that not long ago, the preponderance of American high fashion creations were actually produced in New York's garment distict. Today she lamented, the percentage actually manufactured in the USA hovers around 3%.
This made me recall an incident which occured a few years back. While dog walking in East Rogers Park, I ran into a twenty-something black guy. He was living under bushes in the park by night and cadging quarters to buy malt liquor by day.
During one of his infrequent lucid moments, he sadly recollected growing up on the South side in a stable family headed by a well paid steelworker. All those jobs are gone now, he said.
And with them have gone opportunities for a stable, dependable good job for Americans lacking a secondary education. As those jobs have flown to lower paid overseas cheap labor havens, a critical component of our societal stability has flown away alongside.
The US in general and the Chicago area, in particular, have been hemorrhaging industrial jobs at a fantastic rate for the past three decades.
Today a mere 10% of workers in the Chicago metropolitan area are employed in manufacturing. A greater number work for government and when you include the government schools, that becomes a vastly greater number.
According to 2005 Federal statistics, these are now the largest employers in the Chicago metro area:
Largest employers -- Number of employees
U.S. Government 88,000
Chicago Public Schools 39,402
City of Chicago 35,978
Cook County 26,505
Instead of tax generating, real goods production, our economy is now dominated by the parasitic tax consuming government classes.
Since the Reagan years, we've been hearing a lot of the new "service economy" reliably compensating for the loss of industrial jobs.
Frankly, I never bought a word of it. Real production of tangible goods, is, in the final analysis, the only real basis of wealth.
The 1961 economic analysis by British economists, Cole and Postgate, The British Common People,chronicled the flight of manufacturing from Great Britain which began as early as the 1920s.
"Napoleon is said to have called Great Britain 'a nation of shopkeepers,'" they wrote. "By 1939, it seemed to have turned into a nation of shop assistants, clerks, waiters and machine attendants."
If Napoleon had scoffed at Americans as a nation of fast food franchise owners, he would be likewise wrong. It is fast becoming a nation of hamburger flippers and Wal-Mart greeters.
Welcome to the new "service economy."
"Do you want fries with that?"
About The Chicago Lampoon
Chicago is a very funny city.
In fact, it is a windswept glacial burg that is the source of a never-ending supply of knee-slappers and outright horselaughs.
From the neophyte community organizer that it foisted on an unsuspecting American electorate to the mop-topped sociopathic boy-Governor that it sent to the Letterman show, to its storied depression era, tommy-gun toting philanthropists, it has produced some truly amusing and amazing characters.
It has a Mayor who is a former ballet dancer, who served in a foreign army and who threatens political enemies by sending them dead fish in the mail. It has 50 sleepy Alderman and 5, usually somnolent professional sports franchises
It has two Jesse Jacksons!
It has more potholes per capita than Nairobi, a creaky 1940s-era elevated train system and cops who get caught on videotape punching out bar maids and businessmen.
As we have since 2009, we are only going to report and comment on what actually happens in Chicago. To make up stuff this weird would tax our inventive capabilities to the limit (or at least as high as the, highest-in-the-nation, Cook County sales taxes.)
Lap Up the very, very best Lampoons:
Graham Nash as Slave to Joni Mitchell and Left-Wing Orthodoxy
Celebrating German Militarism at Chicago's DANK Haus
Mick Jagger's Voluminous and Varied Sex Life
Neil Young: Illegal Alien and Shameless Huckster
Chicago Lampoon's Greatest Hits
Naperville Central H.S. Posted below in alphabetical order are the 2011 teachers' and administrators' salaries for Naperville S...
Niles West Has The Highest Paid Gym Teacher In the State of Illinois Posted below are all the salaries of the teachers at Niles West Hi...
(Ed. Note: Since the initial publication of this article new salary figures have been released and posted on 9/8/12. These are the latest a...
Maine East High School Posted below are the names and 2012 salaries of all teachers and administrators for Maine Township High School ...
From the strange but true file comes the amazing fact that Chicago almost got its very own Eiffel tower, but turned it down in favor of a ma...
(Editor's Note -- The complete list of Evanston/Skokie District 65 Teachers' and administrators salaries has been updated to refle...
William L. Shirer was a Chicago-born journalist, who cut his teeth as a foreign correspondent for the Chicago Tribune (back when it was a ...
(Editor's Note: This list of teachers' salaries was updated on 7/10/2012 to reflect the salaries of the Oak Park River Forest High S...
The front page headline in the Tribune 's free throwaway Redeye , blared out of the Red corner newspaper boxes on August 1st: 3 per day ...
( Editor's note -- In light of the news that Queen Elizabeth II of Great Britain is winding up her trip to North America with a visit t...
Meet The Editors
- Chicago Lampoon
- Chicago, Illinois, United States
- We're somewhere between Burkean conservatives and bomb throwing anarchists depending on the mood of the moment and the amount of restorative libation we have recently consumed. But we're usually able to couch our maunderings in some pretty good journalistic prose.
Teachers Salary Lists
Chicago Lampoon Satire/Humor
- ► 2015 (12)
- ► 2014 (45)
- ► 2013 (50)
- ► 2012 (45)
- ► 2011 (143)
- ▼ June (6)