Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Cheese in the News: Controversies Abound

Barristers for Foamation Inc. threatened a lawsuit
over the use of their trademarked headgear
The busybody health-nut assault on the American gastronomy marches on unabated.

News now comes from North of the cheddar curtain that the iconic Green Bay Packers and Wisconsin Badgers cheesehead has been subject to a sacrilegious assault.

It seems that a group of health food buttinskys calling themselves the Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine, erected a billboard outside Green Bay's Lambeau Field illustrating the horrors of cheese consumption with a grim reaper attired in a cheesehead.

Barristers for Foamation, Inc., makers of the Wisconsin hi-fashion haberdashery, cried foul and forced the medical chicken-littles to airbrush out their trademarked headgear.

Still the medical flimflammers remain unrepentant, insisting that cheese consumption is a major source of most of what ails America. They rail against consumption of cheeseburgers, pizza, nachos and other cheese-laden death traps.
The health-nut MDs also rail against
cheeseburgers, pizza and nachos

The killjoy quacks have also come out against hot-dog consumption and we are eagerly awaiting their guilty verdict on Wisconsin's beloved bratwurst.

Our self-appointed First Food Nanny, the svelte, Michelle Obama, is reportedly watching the Wisconsin food fight with rapt attention.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Now Its Payback Time For IL GOP Dream Act Sellout Senators

Flanked by members of the ICIRR illegal alien lobby
Gov. Quinn celebrates passage of "Dream Act"

On May 4th, the Illinois State Senate passed a bill to grant in-state tuition to the offspring of illegal aliens illicitly residing in Illinois.

Eleven Republican State Senators voted for the bill along with the Democrat majority.

With a mariachi band playing giddily at the state capitol, that august body voted 45-11 to pass the cutely monikered, "Dream Act," which also facilitated the setup of a scholarship fund for the illegals, which, for now, will be privately endowed.

The illegal alien lobby, ICIRR was ecstatic and with good reason. For two decades they have been pushing illegal alien amnesty, one drink at a time. So this was a full fledged boilermaker with 100 proof booze.

Veiled with high-sounding humanitarian concern "for the children," (it's always for the kiddies) it constituted yet another step toward legitimizing the half million illegals who snuck across our borders and squatted  within the confines of this particular state.
A mariachi band played giddily at the State Capitol

The bill would have waltzed through the Democrat dominated upper chamber without the encouragement of the RINO 11. But their apparent insulting dismissal of their middle class conservative voting base -- and their apparent unconcern for the citizen children of the middle class -- is more than a simple insult.

The "combine" GOP establishment should be told to kiss their dream of a GOP state Senate majority goodbye, because thoughtful citizens shouldn't consider even lifting a finger for these sellouts. These 11 pols cast their lot with the imagined  power of pro-illegal alien voter cohorts. I hope they get lots of liberal Latino votes, because I think -- some of them at least -- will need them.

Of the dirty eleven, nine are seeking re-election and will be on the ballot on March 12th. Some are in safe seats. Some are not. And some will face primary challenges.

Here's a rundown:

State Senator Pam Althoff 32nd district, McHenry County has announced that she is running for re-election. She not only voted for the de-facto amnesty grab, but sent out a news release saying what a great thing it was.

State Senator Larry Bomke Springfield area, 50th district has announced that he, having been gerrymandered out of his base, is not running. He is going back to his real estate business. Good Riddance! (And good luck in this RE market.)

State Senator Bill Brady, from the 44th district Springfield area, was the milquetoast GOP candidate for Governor last time who defied a nationwide anti-Democrat trend and lost to the clownish Pat Quinn. He has announced that he will be running for reelection.
Brain dead GOP combine clowns Dillard and Brady
were all for the illegal alien aid bill but Dillard
may have a primary fight

State Senator Kurt Dillard of the DuPage suburban 24th district has announced that he is running, but in his redrawn district he will likely face a primary challenge from State Rep Chris Nybo. Watch this one!

State Senator Dan Duffy 26th district Lake & McHenry Co. & Barrington announced he will be running.

State Senator Tom Johnson, of the 48th West suburban dist, was the 65 year old seat warmer, hand picked by the RINO party chairmen to fill Cong. Randy Hultgren's seat. He said he is not running. Good riddance!

State Senator Matt Murphy said he will be running for reelection to his Northwest suburban, 27th district seat. This is the fat-faced guy who is always making noises about his fiscal conservatism, but he's happy to turn a blind eye to the costs of educating (and feeding and giving hospital care)half a million 3rd world illegal alien settlers. Perhaps he should have noticed the fact that the ICIRR illegal alien lobby was one of the groups down in Springfield in February 2010 demanding an increase in the Illinois state income tax rates.State Senator Christine Radogno will be seeking reelection from her 41st dist West suburban seat which includes Burr Ridge, Darien, Downers Grove, Homer Glen, Indian Head Park, LaGrange, Lemont, Lisle, Naperville, Western Springs, Willowbrook & Woodridge.

She is the first ever female Republican State Senate minority leader. Kind of makes you want to re-think woman's suffrage, doesn't it?

If she can avoid domestic battery charges
 illegal alien fan Suzi Schmidt will run again

State Senator Ron Sandack of Downers Grove, was appointed to his seat and he was then thrown into the same district as Radogno. So he is now seeking the 81st district House seat. He'll likely have a primary challenge. Watch this one!!

State Senator Suzi Schmidt, she of domestic battery fame, has announced that she will seek reelection to her 31st district seat which includes Beach Park, Grayslake, Gurnee, Ingleside, Lindenhurst, Old Mill Creek, Round Lake, Third Lake, Wadsworth, Winthrop Harbor and Zion.

State Senator Dave Syverson, the perennial combine poster boy has said that he will be running in his Belvidere, DeKalb area rural district.

Keep an eye on these clowns. And remember how they spit in your face this past May 4th.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Evanston Cops Beat Bushes For Teen Potheads-NU Student Mugged At Gunpoint

To combat its burgeoning crime rate, Evanston has begun putting walking beat cops on the streets. They can be regularly seen in the downtown commercial district but I didn't know they were out beating the bushes along the sewerage canal on the North suburban city's West side.

Word comes on page 2 of last Friday's edition of the Daily Northwestern (The Big-10's first all girl newspaper) that 2 Evanston cops were on foot patrol last Tuesday at 5pm traversing a path in the weeds along the Peter Jans golf course.

There, along the sewerage canal they spied 2 teen age miscreants sitting on a bridge and smoking a yellow bong.
Crack EPD Wilderness Trackers
nabbed Teen potheads

The EPD Daniel Boone wilderness trackers nabbed the fiends, confiscated the bong and a green organic substance which tested positive for cannibis, and carted these vicious desparados off to the Evanston hoosegow.

All in an Evanston lawman's day's work.

Meanwhile word comes from WLS radio news of the first armed mugging of a Northwestern student of the fall semester.Barely had the orientation guides finished herding around the gaggles of incoming freshmen in their geeky green "Class of 2015" t-shirts, than the local Evanston toughs were resuming their annual open season on Northwestern students.

At 12:15 on Sunday morning, two black men in their 20s found a stray Northwestern student sauntering on Orrington near Simpson St. They put the NU kid in a headlock and pulled a gun on him demanding his wallet. When he said he didn't have his wallet, they pistol-whipped him, shoved him to the ground and drove off.
Evanston's hate crimestoppers in action

Evanston police say they are investigating and Northwestern University has issued its predictable student security alert.

Meanwhile the Evanston City Council has stepped up its anti crime regimen by 1) outlawing Tilted Kilt sexy bars, lest libidinous middle aged conventioneers begin accosting Evanston's maidens in the streets 2) declaring war on plastic bag litterers by considering a city-wide ban on all grocery store bags , 3)reaffirming the city's status as a "Nuclear Free Zone" and 4) sponsoring its annual 5k run against "hate crimes."

So the moral of the story is if you find yourself with an uncontrollable urge to stoke up a blunt while in Evanston, be sure to do it in the weeds on the Skokie side of the sewerage canal and if you must travel to Evanston be sure to bring your own recyclable shopping bag --- and a bullet-proof vest.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Saturday Smoking Lounge: Come To Marlboro Country

Anyone who was old enough to sit in front of the boob tube in the 60s certainly remembers the Marlboro Man TV commercials.

With the stirring Western theme (it was the musical score for the classically great movie, The Magnificent 7) and the Marlboro Man with his chiseled masculine features, they were as much a part of the 60s TV landscape as Andy Griffith or the Beverly Hillbillies.

More than anything, the Marlboro Man ads were responsible for propelling Marlboro from an also-ran brand in the 50s to the #1 worldwide best seller.

"Boros" as we called them, were this writer's constant companion through the first two years of undergraduate education (we could even smoke in lecture halls and in discussion rooms), before they were replaced by Camel straights, with their higher quality Turkish tobaccos.

Take a trip down memory lane with this 1963 black and white video of the softer-themed version of the Marlboro Man TV commercial:

(you have to adjust the video down to 240p to get this to run)

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Chicago Media Maintains Race Reporting Double Standard

WLS reported that the suspect in the
Avondale hit-and-run killing was a "man."

The racial censorship double standard continues in Chicago's ever politically-correct liberal news media.

WLS radio reported this morning that the suspect in Monday's River North bank robbery was "a blond haired, white woman wearing a baseball cap and pony tail."

For the past 2 days they have reported that the suspect in the Sunday hit-and-run killing of 82 year old Margaret Heffernan was "a man in his 20s or 30s wearing dark clothing."

Privately, Chicago Police say the suspect is "dark skinned, Hispanic in appearance."

Given the epidemic of Latino hit-and-run crimes in the Chicago area, that should come as no surprise.

But the Chicago news media won't give the full description of the Latino suspect. They just want you to keep on the lookout for a man.

The Chicago Tribune's milquetoast editor, Gerould Kern said on June 10th that racial descriptions of suspects serve no useful social purpose.

And lefty Tribune columnists Mary Schmich and Dawn Turner Trice wrote that racial descriptions of minority criminal suspects make minorities feel bad so they should be relegated to the Orwellian memory hole.

So all you citizen crimestoppers out there, keep a sharp lookout for a man, 20 to 30 years old.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Big Chicken Flap in Chicago's 18th Ward

Alderman Lona Lane of the far South side 18th ward has embarked on a crusade to keep Chicago chicken-free. I have seldom been in agreement with this Obamaite, liberal Democrat solon, but on this score I am 100% in her corner.

Ms. Lane has introduced a bill to the Chicago City Council to ban chicken coops, chicken breeding and chicken keeping in her Marquette Park area ward.

Why, you might ask, has this become an issue?

Well it seems that some of our fellow citizens are chicken fanciers who have taken to keeping sizable assemblages of the fowl things on their urban properties.

Much of this activity seems to be taking place in Ms. Lane's 18th ward.

In fact, the 18th ward chicken advocates have organized themselves into a Google group entitled (I am not making this up) The Chicago Chicken Enthusiasts Group.

There and on their Facebook page, they gather to chat about chicken lore, exchange chicken-raising tips and to hatch dark plots to foil Alderman Lane's onerous anti-chicken legislation.

I learned about this roiling controversy by tuning in left-wing WCPT radio's Sunday morning Mike Nowak gardening show yesterday. On the "sustainable food segment" of his broadcast Nowak interviewed one Michelle Thoma, a chicken-fancier and ringleader of the Google chicken enthusiasts group.

Ms. Thoma said she raises chickens on the roof of her urban abode. Kind of free roof range chickens.

She says she does this because the chickens supply her with healthful, organic, chemical free eggs and because chickens are really nice animals.

Her cantankerous neighbors do not agree.

They object to her rooster's around-the-clock cock-a-doodle-dooing (as loud as a dog's barking), to the defecatory odors emitted by the fowl creatures and to the notion that her aviary is giving the neighborhood the ambience of Jed Clampett's pre-Beverly Hills, Bugtussle, N.C.

Alderman Lane tends to agree and adds that urban chicken-keeping can lead to avian diseases that would kill robins and sparrows and other nice birds.

The WCPT chicken enthusiast said that she will be conducting her annual informational chicken tour of the ward (formerly called hen-a-palooza) this coming Sunday for the benefit of Aldermanic staffers and others to allay citizen chicken concerns.

To counteract this insidious pro-chicken propaganda, The Chicago Lampoon, in conjunction with Alderman Lona Lane's office will be conducting an anti-chicken teach-in at the very same time.

It will take place next Sunday from 1 to 2pm at the W. 87th Street and Western Avenue KFC.

All are invited.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Saturday Smoking Lounge: Tareyton As High Art

Tareyton's became one of the first, more or less, light cigarettes, in the 60's when they introduced some kind of charcoal filter.

In prep school, one of our proctors (a senior who was 17 years old or so) would have his mother buy him a carton of Tareyton's every week or so.

We would think it a matter of high scientific exploration to take apart his Tareyton filters to find the little mound of granulated charcoal inside.

But in the 50's, before they instituted this great smoking innovation, and before they came out with their famous, "I'd rather fight than switch," commercials, it seems that Tareyton was best known for the high art of its TV commercials as in the following Tareyton TV ad:

Today in this benighted era of tacit tobacco prohibition, Tareytons are still available, but only at specialty tobacco shops or on-line.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Arne Duncan: Let's Double Bloated Teachers' Salaries

Arne "Goober" Duncan

Arne Duncan is Obama's education Czar who was the mastermind of the laughably inept Chicago Public School System, where a full 6% of high school freshmen will earn a bachelor's degree by age 25.

Exhibiting the same jackassery that animated his Chicago performance, Duncan said Friday that we should double the salaries of America's unionized government school teachers.

Apparently no one sent Duncan the memo which shows that most government school teachers are as wildly overpaid as they are poorly educated.

Make no mistake about it, government school teachers are ridiculously overpaid. A full 55% of the teachers at the Highland Park/Deerfield High School pull down more than six figures a year for their 9 month gigs.

Retired Illinois teachers haul in up to 85% of their highest career salaries for life. That is why, in some downstate Illinois towns, the richest person is a retired public school teacher.

But Arne Duncan says taxpayers should double their salaries.

This prompted WLS radio talker, Don Wade, on Tuesday to wonder aloud, "Who are these people in the Obama White House?"

It prompted me to add aloud, "And what planet did they come from?"

Here, from the Family Taxpayers Foundation Teachers salary database are the top 200 salaries of Illinois Public school employees for 2010. Arne Duncan says they should be doubled:

All Districts for for 2010:

Russell, Lucille $413,000
Engler, Thomas $350,154
Dada, M Mohsin $341,747
Fleming, Larry $334,912
Lamberson, Jonathan $318,324
Giannetti, Glen $307,471
Many, Thomas $299,600
Harper, John $297,605
May, Loren $292,157
Mical, Gary $288,564

Friday, September 9, 2011

Amnesty For Jailed Illegals in Fantasyland Cook County

Amnesty author "Chuy" Garcia at ICIRR rally

The illegal alien lobbyists of the Illinois Coalition for Immigrant and Refugee Rights (ICIRR) were positively abuzz will glee over the Cook County Board's Wednesday vote to grant de facto amnesty to Chicago's border jumpers.

By a 10-5 vote, that august body decreed that illegal aliens currently residing in the Cook County hoosegow should be set free to prowl Chicago's streets. This rather than turn them over to the deportation-obsessed storm troopers of the ICE.

Board members and the ever-gullible Chicago news media were under the impression that the amnesty would only apply to illegal aliens being held for misdemeanors.But within 24 hours of the diktat, the nation's second largest county was turning illegal alien felons out onto the streets.

The author of the law, Southwest side Democrat Commissioner, Jesus "Chuy" Garcia and his pals at ICIRR appeared jointly to laud the benevolent development.

After all, what's a felony or two by some of Chicago's storm-tossed huddled masses, just yearning to be free and to do jobs the flaccid Americano just won't do?

Cynics will wonder what will transpire when one of the furloughed illegal alien miscreants ends up pulling a Willie Horton a few weeks after release.
Willie Horton

Willie, you will recall, was the fellow furloughed from jail by Massachusetts Governor Mike Dukakis, who while free went on a rape and murder spree.

But while that would be a cause for distress elsewhere, here in fantasyland, multiculturalist PC Chicago it would be no problemo.

You see, the Chicago news media, ever-true to its multiculturalist credo, seldom reports the race or immigration status of such persons when it might be an embarassment to the overall self-esteem of the preferred, protected race or ethnic group.

The editor of the Chicago Tribune has said that this "report-no-evil" is the enlightened policy of his forward thinking journal.

So if one of the released illegal aliens, who should have been deported, goes on a rapacious, murderous crime spree, we simply won't know about it.

Problem solved.