Friday, May 20, 2011

Britain's Impending Nuptials: Euroskank Lily Allen to Wed

Blushing Bride
Lily Allen
Just when we'd barely gotten over the excitement from the Kate Middleton-Prince William wedding, word now comes from England that Lily Allen, the reigning skank of European popular music will tie the knot this summer with one Sam Cooper.

Cooper, reportedly a "decorator," sired one of the several children that the hard-drinking Miss Allen miscarried over the past 3 years.

The blushing bride has been one of the biggest pop sensations in the UK and other parts of Europe since 2007, a fact of which, until recently, we had been blissfully unaware.

Miss Allen, the 26 year old offspring of a Welsh comedian and a feminist film director, made her mark on the dismal landscape of British pop culture by penning and performing such masterpieces as, "Fuck You," a thinly veiled critique of the homophobia, racism and warmongering of George W. Bush and "It's Not Fair," her paean to her adroit skills in the realm of fellatio performance.

Miss Allen  placed in the top 10 on BBC-3's list of Most Annoying People of 2006, a fact of which was no doubt fueled by her penchant for displaying her unique 3rd nipple for the benefit of television audiences. That ranking gives us hope that there is still some smattering of good sense abroad in the once-Great Britain.

Miss Allen is an ardent enthusiast for environmental alarmist schemes, PETA animal protection and the Socialist Labour Party. Any surprise there?

She wrote an amazingly trite, anti-materialist song entitled, "The Fear" which contained such poetic gems as:

I want loads of clothes and fuckloads of diamonds
I heard people die while they are trying to find them


This profound work received the enthusiastic endorsement of one Right Reverend Dr. Steven Croft, the Anglican Bishop of Sheffield, who recommended its study for his theology classes.

Now we understand the level of intellectual vacuity that drives members of that august and sclerotic clerical body to concede the inevitability of Muslim Sharia Law in England.

So put aside the date, June 11, and if you happen to be anywhere near Gloucestershire, England, you'll surely want to pop in, have a drink or seven and wish the couple well.

For readers who have not yet had the good fortune to experience Miss Allen's work, following is a video of her 2009 live performance of It's Not Fair in Zagreb, Croatia. This is the song in which she touts her fellationous skills.

Many thanks to the ever-civic minded T-Mobile corporation for helping disseminate this great artistry to the more culturally deprived parts of Europe by its sponsorship of this Lily Allen concert: