|"I not only get all my news from Redeye, |
but I even get it delivered to my door"
Seems she is red-faced because she somehow inadvertently subscribed to home delivery of the Redeye many years ago.
RJP believes that she is now, quite possibly, the only person in Chicago who actually has the stupid thing delivered and as each new Redeye piles up on her doorstep, it reminds her daily that she forgot, once again, to cancel the damned thing.
She says that she never reads the thing, has stopped doing the sudoku puzzles and just having it around makes her feel like her IQ is oozing away.
We were not aware that the cheesy throwaway free paper was actually delivered, but now that we are, we're going to sign right up.
What a magnificent conversation starter this could be!
Just imagine yourself at one of the trendy pickup bars the Redeye is endlessly touting-- the ones with the $15 papaya martinis and what-not.
So there you are and across the crowded room, you see kind of intellectually-challenged looking, yet unbelievably hot chick at the bar. You are at a loss for how to approach a luscious pea-brain of this sort. What could you possibly have in common?
Then, eureka!! You remember your Redeye subscription. You simply then have to sidle up to her, put your papaya martini down on the bar and suavely say, "Have you been having problems with your Redeye home delivery, like me? The thing hasn't been arriving before 7am lately and I just can't sit down to my first cup of coffee without it."
Then she begins chattering away about the wonderful insights into Kim Kardashian's lifestyle that she's gleaned from Chicago's newspaper for blithering idiots and the two of you are well on your way to a night of magic.
Or, if for some reason, you should ever find yourself at a gathering of Chicago area SIU, NIU or Northeastern Illinois University alums -- you, as a Redeye home delivery subscriber, will have natural grist for conversation-starting.
Something like, "How much do you tip your Redeye newspaper home delivery man at Christmastime? Is $10 still acceptable, do ya think?"
|The Redeye is great for igniting the kindling |
in your Chicago winter fireplace
The possibilities are endless. As a member of an elite group of Redeye subscribers, you will feel right at home with all manner of Chicagoans, who, due to differences in intelligence quotient and taste, might otherwise have seemed unapproachable -- members of gay mens'choral groups, "American Idol" devotees, hip-hop fans, bimbos who follow Charley Sheen and Paris Hilton on Twitter, hipster-doofuses who plan their summers around Lalapalooza and people who still have "Obama-Biden 2008" bumperstickers on their Subarus.
I know I'm getting on the phone right away and getting my free Redeye home delivery.
Who could pass up this opportunity to broaden one's social horizons?
And besides, It'll be fireplace time again soon and what could be more convenient on a chilly Chicago day than free kindling starter delivered right to my door?