Saturday, July 3, 2010

Read Dr. Seuss and Become an American Citizen

I don't normally make a habit of reading the Chicago Tribune's RedEye -- you know the throw away rag that they put in those red boxes on street corners everywhere. It is at best "Journalism for Dummies."

What can you say about a "newspaper" that devotes vastly more column inches to Lady GaGa than to the oil gusher in the Gulf or Obama's war in Afghanistan?

What can you say about a newspaper with a crossword puzzle that offers such mind exerting clues as (I am not making this up) Winnie the _______ (4 letter word?)

So it came as no great surprise that in its June 30th edition, it printed an editorial column by one Steph Yiu that heaved up the most assinine rationale for amnesty for illegal aliens yet to be devised by any member of the open borders crowd.

She argued that since she had a rich daddy who worked for an American-owned corporation abroad, and since she read "Green Eggs and Ham" as a child and embraced American culture, she was entitled to admission to our country. A "path toward citizenship," to use an Obamaism.

After telling us that although a Singapore national, she speaks perfect English, went to American style sock hops and had her daddy send her to a pricey private American college (Northwestern.)

"But now America is going to have to deal with me." Liu threatens. "More specifically America's immigration officers. Because even though America's cultural borders are amorphous, its national boundaries are not. I'm American," she contends, "but it doesn't mean anything unless it's on paper."

"America, you created me," the Singapore citizen blurts, "I am your citizen whether you like it or not."

This is certainly a novel argument.

Liu seems to be maintaining that anyone, anywhere in the world who so much as fancies the ubiquitous American pop culture should be entitled to legally settle within our national borders and be given citizenship.

This raises interesting possibilities.

Perhaps we should have a new EP-1 (Elvis Presley -1) immigration status. This would allow members of the Elvis Presley Fan Club in Lima, Peru (Yes, there really is one) to legally settle in the U.S.

And perhaps a LLBB-1 status (Little League Baseball-1). This would allow the little league baseball players in Costanza, Romania (yes there really is a little league there) to be on a path to U.S. citizenship.

And how about the Uzbekistani's who love Rambo movies? A Rambo-1 immigration waiver?

And what about the Barbie doll club members abroad? Yes there really are Barbie Doll clubs in such places as Amsterdam, Munich, Paris, Hamburg and Baden-Baden. Under the Stephanie Liu plan all these women and girls who have enthusiastically embraced American culture should be granted BD-1 (Barbie doll-1) immigration status. Since they are probably hot blondes and quite feminine, I say let's fast-track them toward citizenship.

After all, who cares whether our sovereign nation needs them, wants them or can afford them? To the Singaporan, Liu, it's all about what the prospective immigrants wants. Gimme, Gimme, Gimme!

Kind of sounds like a rich, spoiled, Northwestern brat, doesn't it?

And, by the way, just what is the Tribune Corporation doing, employing a foreign national who, by her own admission, is of dubitable legal employability here?

Ask not what you can do for the USA, but what the USA can do for you -- right Ms Liu?

And who cares what the American people have to say about it?


  1. "I wanna be part of your stupid racist club and if you don't let me in, I'm gonna throw 9 kinds of a hissy fit!"

    Yeah, sounds about right! ;)

  2. Hey!!
    this is our Elvis Presley Fan Club this is official reg by Elvis Presley Enterprise Inc. Memphis Tennessee



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