Friday, May 14, 2010

Ronnie Woo-Woo to Boycott Arizona All-Star Game

The Chicago Tribune reported today that Ozzie Guillen, skipper of the .412 White Sox who are 6 games below .500 and 8 games out of 1st place, said that, if somehow invited, he would not attend the 2011 All Star game in Phoenix due to that state's decision to crack down on illegal immigrants.

(Odd that the Venezuelan-born Guillen didn't express the same moral outrage over Venezuelan Socialist dictator, Hugo Chavez's persecution of political opponents and outright closure of 6 TV stations that were critical of his regime. But I guess Ozzie is too busy Twittering to take on every Great Cause.)

And in other breaking news, Cubs backup catcher, Koyie Hill, currently hitting a meaty .214 and Cubs ace reliever, Jeff Samardjia (ERA 18.90) also announced that under absolutely no circumstances would they accept an invitation to the All-Star Game if it were held in hellish Arizona.

But most disappointing, was the pronouncement by Chicago legend and Cubs mascot, Ronnie Woo-Woo Wickers, that he would be boycotting the 2011 Arizona All-Star game in solidarity with the illegal aliens of "sanctuary city" Chicago.

This is sure to break the back of the Arizona state law.

Woo-Woo explained his position in an impromptu news conference held outside Wrigley Field after yesterday's game. Mr. Woo-Woo was joined by Highland Park High School Asst. Superintendent, Suzan Hebson, the $206,000 a year bureaucrat who yesterday put the kibosh on her girls' basketball players' effort to attend a tournament in Arizona.

Q: Why are you taking this drastic measure, Ronnie?

Woo-Woo: Amnesty WOO! Illegal WOO! Aliens WOO!

Q: But don't the people of Arizona have a right to decide to enforce the laws of the United States?

Woo-Woo: One WOO! World WOO! Open WOO! Borders WOO!

Q: Under what circumstances would you reconsider your decision to boycott, Ronnie?

Woo-Woo: Sanctuary WOO! City WOO! Phoenix WOO! Mesa WOO! Free WOO! Healthcare WOO! Education WOO! Social Services WOO! for WOO Illegal WOO! Aliens WOO! WOOOOOO!

Joshua Hoyt, director of the illegal alien lobby group, IL Coalition for Immigrant and Refugee Rights expressed satisfaction at Ronnie Woo-Woo's "keen grasp of the issues and unique way of articulating them." He said that his group will be wheeling out Ronnie as a featured speaker at future immigrant rights rallies.

1 comment:

  1. Oh my gosh - next they'll be wanting this guy to program the TOTUS. *eyeroll*

    At least he can speak without being prompted on what to say. *ahem*


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