Readers of this blog know that I have been waging an energetic campaign against ABBA's election into the Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame since the preposterous notion first surfaced. My efforts seemed to have come to naught with the December announcement that the Swedish teeny-bop popsters would be inducted into the 2010 class this coming March.
It seems that the Rock Hall of Fame's chieftain, Rolling Stone's Jan Wenner stacked the deck in ABBA's favor. Seems he thinks that old videos of Agnetha Faltskog wiggling her magnificent Nordic derriere will do more for the induction show's VH-1 ratings than videos of the Moody Blues or Jethro Tull or some other worthy, but as yet uninducted genuine rock band.
The thought of the Euro ear-candy purveyors sharing the same status as John Lennon, Buddy Holly and Chuck Berry is appalling to say the least.
But after exhaustive research, I have unearthed evidence that may forestall this unhappy development. You see, ABBA shamelessly promoted Lolitaism. It actually celebrated the notion of schoolchildren having liaisons with their teachers.
In the weeks leading up to the Who's Superbowl performance, a group of Holy Rollers began protesting Peter Townsend's appearance, citing his 1983 arrest for allegedly downloading child pornography. He was acquitted.
But the Swedish schlockmeisters, ABBA, it turns out, actually thought intimate relations between underaged students and their teachers was cute.
Look at the lyrics to one of their early teeny-bop offerings called, "When I Kissed the Teacher:"
One of these days
Gonna tell him I dream of him every night
One of these days
Gonna show him I care, gonna teach him a lesson alright
I was in a trance when I kissed the teacher
Suddenly I took the chance when I kissed the teacher
Leaning over me, he was trying to explain the laws of geometry
And I couldn't help it, I just had to kiss the teacher
And Agnetha and Anna-Frid really Lolita-ed it up in this old video:
I am calling on the morality police to demand that Jann Wenner rescind his Hall of Fame honors for the purveyors of this outright smut.
And I am calling on the AFT and NEA to denounce this incitement of teachers to engage in conduct that is outlawed by the Illinois Human Rights Act.
That's right. This Act was designed to safeguard us from the horrors of sexual harassment. Among many other things it outlaws "unwelcome advances or conduct of a sexual nature and requests for sexual favors by an executive, faculty member, adminstative staff member or teaching assistant."
The Illinois Department of Human Rights has a whole big bureaucracy in place to enforce this Act and bring down the wrath of God onto the sex-crazed didacts who might violate its spirit.
So it is clear that ABBA in the above video was engaging in the most egregious advocacy of clearly illegal activity.
On that basis alone they are not worthy of the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame.
And also because they were not real rock 'n rollers.
YOU ARE A NUT MATE - LAY OFF THE BEST GROUP EVER.
ReplyDeleteget a life pal.
ReplyDeleteI can't even believe this article. What pure garbage. It is obvious by these statements that the writer has no knowledge of ABBA and is just writing out of some type of meaningless vendetta. To make these serious accusations about this song and group is outrageous and the writer has obviously not done research on anything concerning what this article is implying. I mean, really…ABBA?? To pick a couple of words out of a song and accuse ABBA of kiddie porn is ridiculous and sad.
ReplyDeletemy god, I pray that you will find help soon. Seems you are really suffering with sick thoughts.
ReplyDeleteSeems that some of the ABBA afficianados never learned the definition of the word satire. So here it is for them:
ReplyDeleteMain Entry: sat·ire
Pronunciation: \ˈsa-ˌtī(-ə)r\
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle French or Latin; Middle French, from Latin satura, satira, perhaps from (lanx) satura dish of mixed ingredients, from feminine of satur well-fed; akin to Latin satis enough — more at sad
Date: 1501
1 : a literary work holding up human vices and follies to ridicule or scorn
2 : trenchant wit, irony, or sarcasm used to expose and discredit vice or folly
synonyms see wit
The day this word was taught they were probably too distracted from listening to "Dancing Queen" on their Sony Walkmen.
Wow.
ReplyDeletePatrick!! You have GOT to be kidding. I would be ashamed to write this nonsense. You call yourself a journalist? I only hope others don’t read these horrific lies and accusations. Satire my ass, it’s just mean and completely unnecessary. You have offended many to make no point. You have made yourself look bad in your community and to many others. This article is a disappointing reality to what is allowed to be printed.
ReplyDeleteI just wonder if the above comment was posted by one of our visitors from Europe or South America. Because, to them the notion of our cherished American protections for freedom of speech and freedom of the press would seem a bit novel.
ReplyDeleteBut we have it here. Better get used to a Pax Americana world where you don't have your reading material censored by Dr. Goebbels' brown shirted thugs or Uncle Joe Stalin's apparatchiks or some faceless liberty-hating Euro-bureaucrat.
If you can't understand satire, you'd best not even try to fathom the works of H.L. Mencken or Mark Twain. You would be intellectually at sea.
Can't you fathom that it's a bloody joke?
Yikes!!!!
Well thats the sickest joke I ever heard.
ReplyDeleteidiot
ReplyDeleteHere's some genuine, honest to goodness satire for ya, Pat; You suck ass. And not the magnificent Nordic derriere kind of ass that you're dreamin' of.
ReplyDeleteNow on a much more serious note, you suck lame ass and then some, LOSER. Stop delving into the deep, dark, witless numbness of the dumbness of your mind. Don't you have anything better to do than attempting to teach the ABBA aficianados a lesson in satire? 'Cause you can be sure in all your exhaustive desperation that neither they nor anybody else is fantasizing about you, Lehrer Pearse. The only joke here is on you. You ARE the joke, Pat.
I was thinking of some good way to tell this Patrick Pearse psycho-nut off, but all the previous bloggers did it for me.
ReplyDeleteThis accusation against ABBA has got to be one of the craziest statements ever made in music. The song is about the romantic/sexual fantasies of many a teenage girl, nothing more. It does not support in any way an adult teacher willfully participating in romance, kissing or sex with a teenager. One of the many good things about ABBA was that they brought a lot of female viewpoints, previously unheard in music, out into the open, such as in Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! and even in Dancing Queen. The male dominated rock and roll scene up to that time( and even since) had and has an almost exclusively 100% male social viewpoint. As ABBA's career coincided with the Women's Liberation Movement of the 1970's, that makes ABBA a significant social commentator in music.
It is true ABBA is a pop band, NOT a rock band. Paul McCartney repeatedly said in the Beatles Anthology of the late 1990's, broadcast across North America, that the Beatles were a POP band. Other notable pop acts include Madonna, Elton John, Michael Jackson, The Supremes, Rod Stewart, Olivia Newton John (of Grease fame) and the Beach Boys. ABBA's songs were well constructed, difficult to sing, and had strong emotions (e.g. Move on, Hasta Manana, Fernando, Voulez-Vous, The Way Old Friends Do). They were also pure, clean, intense/light simultaneously and a joy to listen too. If pure Rock and Roll fans do not want pop bands in the Rock Hall of Fame, then they should get rid of ALL pop, soul, blues, reggae, and motown acts in there, and there should be a Pop Hall of Fame, a Soul/Blues Hall of Fame, a Hall of Fame for Motown and/or Reggae etc. But because these other Halls of Fame do not exist, and because music sometime blurs boundaries, this is not happening, and many non-rock acts are going into the Rock Hall. Country music does have its own Hall of Fame.
Regarding Patrick Pearse's comment about Dr. Goebbles, when are Americans going to exercise their freedom of speech and admit that 30,000 Americans are murdered every year in the USA by other Americans, which means since the horror and tragedy of 9/11, 300,000 Americans have been killed by other Americans, and only 3000 were killed on September 11 2001.
Hmmmmm. I do get that this is satire, but it is pretty crap.
ReplyDeleteAnd ABBA do belong in the HoF based on musical reasons.
There is nothing light and fluffy about the music of ABBA. The Album (1977), Super Trouper (1980) and The Visitors (1981) are all brilliant, well crafted albums. Most people make the assumption ABBA only wrote Mamma Mia or Dancing Queen over and over again, that is simply the most silliest idea one can have about the music of ABBA.
http://www.stevehoffman.tv/forums/showthread.php?t=202744&page=24
I think this is one of the best comments about the inclusion of ABBA in the R&RHOF (not written by me personally but someone on the Steve Hoffman forums)
["wolfram - I don't remember anyone claiming ABBA were a rock band. But it's not the Rock Hall of Fame, but the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. When I hear Rock and Roll I think of Elvis, Chuck Berry, Little Richard etc. So obviously the name Rock and Roll Hall of Fame includes what developed from that 50s dance music genre over the following decades. Pop music would surely be a part of that.
I'm pretty amazed anyway how so many here seem to know precisely what is Rock and what is Pop. I find those terms to be so flexible I could not tell you for bands like Oasis, U2 or the Talking Heads what they are. I always felt the Beatles to be mainly a Pop band. No place in the Hall for them?
Unfortunatly there is no definition of Rock and Roll on the homepage of the RNRHOF. Might make this discussion easier."]
Ringo himself thought The Beatles were a pop group – “When the Beatles were inducted, Ringo Starr responded to that gentle ribbing from Jagger with a zinger of his own. “The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame,” he said from behind his aviator shades. “I love it. They always called us a pop group!”
http://articles.latimes.com/2009/oct/25/entertainment/ca-hall-of-fame25?pg=3
Here is my personal input – In the mid-19th Century the music of the composer Richard Wagner represented a new phase of music, whereas the music of the composer Johannes Brahms was considered much more conservative and old-fashioned. At the time, everyone considered the music of these two men to be totally separate and no one would say they are the same genre, (Old Style Vs New Style), whereas nowadays they are seen under the same umbrella (ie German Romanticism). Could one day Rock Vs Pop become one group of music?
I understand that it is a joke, it is just not very funny. What I *did* find funny, however, was the fact that while you are quick to copy & paste the definition of "satire" for the benefit of others, you clearly did not read the definition yourself. This article? Doesn't really qualify. A failed attempt at satire, perhaps, but not actual satire.
ReplyDeleteOne of the preconditions to understanding satire is to possess some modicum of knowlege and intelligence.
ReplyDeleteThe myriad sexual harassment laws that have teachers afraid to so much as pat a student on the back are ridiculed. The pecksniff religiosity of the morality crowd which attacked Townsend is ridiculed.
I may have overestimated the IQ level of the prospective readership in that regard. I now know of at least one instance in which that definitely appears to be the case.
It's spelled "knowledge."
ReplyDeleteI think you're missing the point here. I understand what you are ATTEMPTING to ridicule here, it is just not very well done. I understand satire. This piece misses the boat. It tries too hard.
I suspect that you are not half as clever as you think you are.
no, it's OK because the teacher is a college professor, so they are both over the age of consent.
ReplyDeletealthough this is not satire, technically. presumably it is "tongue in cheek"
An a for effort, maybe. He's either just a poor typist or a bonafide "knowlege afficianado", because he misspelled aficionados, too. Also "Anna Frid", among myriads more.
ReplyDeleteHe sher nose sum lardge werds an schibboluths an whut thay meen an stuff, an he all most evun spelt um write two! Whoot!
All right, let's assume that it was lousy satire and congrats, you found a spelling error on a blog. But do you have a point? Fact is the choices of the Rock HOF for induction seem today to be dictated by monetary, rather than artistic concerns. ABBA would make for good VH-1 TV ratings for the ceremony because they (or at least 50% 0f them) have sex appeal. And Wenner sells tables at the event for as much as $100k each -- and the ABBA business conglomerate would happily invest in those.
ReplyDeleteThat is why the Sex Pistols refused their induction and many former --real rocker -- inductees do not attend the event -- they can't afford to go.
So if nice, easy listening, pop music and ability to garner TV ratings, and history of pop hits -- are the new criteria, why not induct Dean Martin and Frank Sinatra posthumously into the Rock n Roll hall of fame? They meet those criteria.
I think it's a travesty that some who have genuinely contributed to the genre -- like the Moody Blues and Jan and Dean -- have been overlooked while poppy ABBA gets in.
All this 'outrage' over the 'purity' of the
ReplyDelete'Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame' being 'cheapened'
by a non-rock group is a bit late. I noted
while reviewing all the inductees from 1986
onwards that at least 32 of them were NOT
rock 'n roll. Most of these were R&B stars.
The real issue here is that Wenner mis-named
his hall. It should be The Popular Music Hall
Of Fame. Quality should be the criteria, not
style.
I think you are probably right. After all, Madonna and Bobby Darin were inducted. And Brenda Lee was C&W, Bob Marley was reggae, Martha and the Vandellas and many others were purely R&B.
ReplyDeleteThe cat was let out of the bag some time back.
Arriving at a definition of real rock is also kind of subjective. I think it is akin to what one of the Supreme Court Justices once said about pornography. "I can't precisely define it, but I know what it is when I see it."
As it is, it seems that cash and TV appeal determine induction into this HOF.
Abba was more than Agnetha Faltskogs wiggling butt. They are on of the best selling bands during the years. So it is fair to nominate them for something.
ReplyDelete