Sunday, August 16, 2009

Castro to Cubans -- Get Ready to Drip Dry!!

Last week, Reuters reported that Raul Castro, Cuba's Brother-in-Chief, announced that due to "planning oversights", Cuba was running out of toilet paper and likely would not have any more until the beginning of 2010.

I am not making this up.


Obviously being a function of the hellish U.S. trade embargo, this, of course, provoked an uproar amongst enlightened American humanitarians and led for calls for Obama to take immediate action to ensure the aridity of Cuban arses.

The stripling Commander in Chief showed no hesitation and immediately appointed a reknowned expert on anal hygiene, Mr. Lazlo Butz, (B.S., Harvard, 1969) to become America's first hemispheric anal hygiene Czar.

In a Washington news conference, the President introduced Butz as a man "who will get to the bottom of this pressing problem."

Butz, an SDS organizer in the 60's, called for solidarity with "our socialist Cuban allies," and hinted that the Kimberly-Clark corporation may have to be nationalized to provide the island state with sufficient quantites of the hygienic paper product.

"A clean, soft wipe is a human right," Butz said.

Also at the news conference was the acknowleged Congressional expert on matters anal, Rep. Barney Frank (D-MA.)

"We've got to put clean pores before profits," he said, predicting the Kimberly-Clark nationalization would be on a fast track in the next session of Congress.

Also at the event was Rev. Jesse Jackson of the Chicago-based, modestly named, People United to Save Humanity (Operation PUSH.)

Injecting the requisite anti-white bashing to the event, he said the Cuban toilet paper shortage was a natural result of centuries of white oppression of Caribbean peoples of color.

Asked by a Washington Times reporter how this could be, given that the errant state planners, Fidel and Raoul Castro, were lily white Castilian Spanish purebloods, Jackson responded:

"If you cannot wipe
The smell will be ripe.

If you must drip-dry
You will attact the fly."

With that, White House Press Secretary, Robert Gibbs, immediately cut off questions and told reporters he would have details of Obama's $3.2 billion hemispheric toilet paper stimulus plan available to the press and Congress several hours before the scheduled vote next week.


  1. Its a nice blog........ Personal hygiene involves those practices performed by an individual to care for one's bodily health and well being.
    anal hygiene products

    1. OK -- I get scores of those comments designed to sneak in someone's online advertising like the above and I usually just send them right to the ether trashcan, but I couldn't resist posting the above infomercial comment on anal hygiene products.

      I have no idea what they might be and why one might possibly need them, but any guy who who has to scan the internet for references to toilet paper and dripping dry to drum up business probably deserves a break.


Comments invited, however anonymous commentors had better deal directly with the issues raised and avoid ad hominem drivel. As for Teachers' Union seminar writers -- forget about it.