Chicago Reader's Most Eligible Singles: Black Trannies, Latino Queers, Wimpy Asians and Weird Whites

Time was a newspaper would run a feature story on the "Most Eligible Singles" and you'd see a photo phalanx of handsome masculine over achievers and gorgeous ultra feminine blond bombshells.

The Chicago Reader's transgender
dream date "Angelica" "Let's play two!"

Not so with today's cultural Marxist scribes of the dying Chicago Sun Times' dying weekly throwaway, the Chicago Reader.

Emerging from their left wing echo chamber just before Valentine's Day , the hipster doofuses who run the Chicago Reader put out their "Most Eligible Chicago Singles" profiles.

Should George Lucas ever attempt a remake of his famous Star Wars bar scene, he could do the casting right here.

The Reader's editorial goofuses showcased their idea of eligible young singles, to wit:

 1) A transgendered black female (?) who bore a striking resemblance to a young Ernie Banks wearing a woman's wig,

2) A gay black male U of C artsy fundraiser who says he has a "great butt" from bicycling around Hyde Park,

3) a gay male Latino lawyer who cites Ruth Bader Ginzburg as his ideal role model,

4) A 36 yr.old female art director who's in an oxymoronic quest for a "stylish, intelligent, queer butch,"

5) An androgynous bald mixed race, Lincoln Square mullata who seems to have feminine facial characteristics and says she is looking for a "dark handsome alpha male".

And then there were the Reader's five clearly heterosexual "dream dates."

What woman could resist this
charming Chicago Reader "dream date?"

They are really too dreary to dwell on, but in a nutshell, the heteros consisted of:

1) Two waifish Asians who underscored the media perception that Asians are neither sexy nor interesting,

2) Two straight white males, one with all encompassing body art and another who was fashionably holding up a rotting deer's head by the antlers and,

3) A rather odd white female fundraising bureaucrat for Chicago Kent Law School who boasts of having visited every country in the former USSR (so how was the room service at the Sverdlovsk Gulag Hilton?)

The good news is that cultural Marxist group think has begun to reach truly absurd depths and nobody's buying anymore.

That's why the lefty Chicago Sun Times just announced yet another round of layoffs and/or buyouts and those little street corner newspaper baskets are always overflowing with unread Chicago Readers

Chicago Dog Walking Now Dangerous: Gangs Kill Dog, Girl Molested at Dog Park

To the growing list of dangerous things to do in Chicago, you can now add walking your dog.

During the past month, gang bangers firing guns from the window of their Jeep, drove through a park in Edgewater and ran over two dogs, killing a woman's little service dog. Then a few blocks North in Rogers Park, a girl walking her dog was sexually molested.

Scruffi, killed by
 gangbangers in park 

In the dog walking area known as "The Meadows" near the 5300 block of Sheridan Rd., a man and woman were giving their dogs a late afternoon off leash romp. Then a Jeep occupied by a group of dark skinned males, began tearing over the grass at high speed with guns firing from the windows.

According to the two traumatized dog owners, the Jeep intentionally aimed for the dogs. One dog scrunched down into a little ball as it was run over and miraculously emerged unscathed. Another, a 5 year old terrier mix named Scruffi, was run over by the wheels and killed.

Scruffi was a rescue dog adopted by cancer survivor Cathy Castro. Because of Scruffi's extraordinary intuitive abilities, he was trained as a service dog to guide her when her face became paralyzed, signalling the onset of a seizure.

Castro expressed her emotional devastation at Scruffi's loss, in a February 3rd interview with the Inside Booster neighborhood newspaper.

The other dog walker found his traumatized dog (the one who was run over but escaped injury) cowering in fear behind a parked snow plow's blade.

The male dog walker is a native of upstate New York, and said he is moving back there as soon as his lease expires. "This is just the last nail in the coffin. I can't even take my dogs from the house to the park in Chicago anymore," he said.

Meanwhile, up at Pottawatomie Park at 7400 N. Wolcott, a 22 year old woman, wearing a University of Michigan sweatshirt, was exercising her dog in the designated dog area when she was approached by a 6'4" black man wearing a black skull cap and camo jacket.

The man, known locally as "Trey" commented that it was interesting that she'd gone to school at the UM as he had a "baby momma" in Michigan (how's that for a smooth pickup line?) Not one to fancy extensive pre bedroom chit chat, the amorous "Trey" then pushed the girl against a fence and began groping her breasts and other body parts.

Her screams for help brought onlookers, which scared off the suave suitor, who fled west thru the park.

Chicago Police have made no arrests in conjunction with either dog walking incident.