Weirdest Craigslist Free Stuff Ads - Sex Toys, SM/BD Equipment

Every Craigslist throughout the country has a section entitled "Free Stuff." That's where people post items that they simply want to give away.

Occasionally we've acquired some pretty good stuff there, notably a really nice Krups coffee maker, with internal water filter.

Free Sex Toys on Chicago Craigslist

But Craigslist Chicago has to have had some of the most positively weird "Free Stuff" offerings in the country.

Here are a few genuinely bizarre recent ones:

Anyone want to be a guinea pig for someone just learning the art of tattooing?

Tattoo (chicago)

Hi,
I am an apprentice at a tattoo studio and learning to tattoo. I am looking for people to practice on if you are interested reply to this message with a picture of what you want to get and a phone number and if I like the picture I will get back to you. No picture of what u wany and no phone number no response.......heres one I did on friday.....trying to get someone in my chair today.

•Location: chicago
•it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Posting ID: 3689182404
Posted: 2013-03-18, 1:51PM CDT
Edited: 2013-03-18, 2:11PM CDT

And equipped with that new tattoo, you'll certainly now want to avail yourself of  a complete outfit of sadomasochism/bondage & domination devices:

Free SM/BD Stuff (Edgewater)

After many years of enjoyable SMBD activity, age and my longterm boyfriend's lack of interest in this made me decide to part with my toys during my current move. Assorted whips, restraints, nipple clamps, etc.-in cream/blue trim canvas bag by 5647 N. Glenwood dumpster-first person to snag this is the winner!

• Location: Edgewater
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Posting ID: 3764766060

Posted: 2013-04-24, 7:52PM CDT

In case the previous set was missing clit stimulators, you'll want to take advantage of this generous offer from an enthusiastic Chicago entrepreneur:

Free sex toy (Chicago and suburbs)

hello everyone, I'm currently in the process of starting a small sex toy company.Im offering 20 free Clit stimulators.This is not a joke or scam. the only requirements are for you to be over 18 and willing to answer some questions about the toys performance.If you are shy this is not for you. if you're interested in a free toy please contact me with your name town and email. thanks for reading.

• Location: Chicago and suburbs
• it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

Posting ID: 3735112632

Posted: 2013-04-10, 1:06PM CDT

As the man says, "get while the gettins good!!"

Cow Shite (Manhattan)

If you guys missed out on the other guys horse shit, today is your lucky day! i have bout 3 truck loads of cow shit that is free for the takin! get it while the gettins good!!
•Location: manhattan
•it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Posting ID: 3761883590
Posted: 2013-04-23, 1:47PM CDT

Sure, I'm interested in hauling away the flotsam and jetsam from your demolition project:

Free chunks of concrete (Barrington)

I have a pile of concrete that was broken up from parts of a basement floor.
I heard that some people may be interested in taking it so I figured I would try.
Please let me know.

Thanks

Posting ID: 3695844784
Posted: 2013-03-21, 4:25PM CDT


It's not even clean topsoil -- and you don't even get to keep the tarps!

Free Dirt

have 3 piles of dirt mixed with rock outsde my fence IN THE ALLEY. . feel free to take as much or all of it. ONLY THINKG I ASK IS TO LEAVE THE TAPRS ITS ON. EMAIL ME FOR MORE INFO.....

CALIFORNIA at 174TH (google map) (yahoo map)

• Location: hammond

Oh, sure, I feel like coming out to Fox River Grove to clean up your storm waste:

Down Tree Branches Fire Wood (Fox River Grove)

I have some down trees that I need hauled away. Anyone need wood? Come cut and haul away. Call Text or Email me. 847-852-nine three six four.

•Location: Fox River Grove

•it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Posting ID: 3707469756
Posted: 2013-04-08, 2:20AM CDT

Maybe the planks from these would be good for building a whipping post to use with my new free S&M/B&D gear and free clit stimulators:

Free broken pallets various sizes

you can pick them up

Mon-Fri 8-5


2200 w pinehurst blvd

Addison il 60101



please call 815-867-1253

•it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
Posting ID: 3763732366
Posted: 2013-04-24, 11:44AM CDT

HERE'S A NEW ONE FROM OCTOBER 28, 2014 THAT WE COULDN'T RESIST. 

ANYONE NEED FREE USED JOCKSTRAPS? FOR SOME IMPENETRABLE REASON, GOODWILL WOULDN'T TAKE THEM;

 used jocks size M (wrigleyville)

They are still good but goodwill wouldn't take them...anybody want them

• do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers

post id: 4735099073

 

posted: 7 hours ago

 

email to friend

 

♥ best of ^[?]

Paul "Iscariot" Ryan Stumps in Chicago For Open Borders

A friend of mine who is a foreign correspondent for a major American daily put it as succinctly as only a non-American could.

The American socialist Left, he said, has been pushing 3rd world immigration because they want a big, ignorant lumpen proletariat as a lever for seizing and securing permanent power.

"Little Looey" Gutierrez and
Paul Iscariot Ryan yesterday in Chicago

The Left has known that for some time, but Politico just spelled it out by showing how the proposed Senate amnesty bill would solidify Democratic Party power.

So, just as it has in California, the 3rd worlders as American voters would effect the end of the Republican party as a viable force in US politics.

But after yesterday's foray into Chicago by Republican Paul Iscariot Ryan, I'm not so sure that is necessarily that bad a thing.

Yesterday, we were presented with the really ridiculous picture of alleged conservative, Congressman Paul Iscariot Ryan, standing arm in arm with lefty Chicago Congressman and big open-borders fan, "Little Looey" Luis Gutierrez while being blessed by a phalanx of lefty Roman Catholic Priests.

Now we know what the priests have to gain from the amnesty of many millions of Mexican illegals and their voluminous relatives not yet here.

They hanker for the tinkle of pesos and the sweet swish of Yanqui dollars falling into their collection plates.

They salivate at the prospect of having hordes of uneducated and semi-literate parishioners who would think they were a big deal with all their book learnin' and holy black robes and such.

Priests hanker for the sweet swish of Yanqui dollars in collection plates

And we have already discussed what Little Looey and his socialist cabal have to gain -- power -- lots of it -- unassailable and permanent.

But just what's in it for Paul Iscariot Ryan and the middle America he purportedly represents?

For one thing a dilution of their electoral voice into permanent minority status.

And with that, a diminution of their American citizenship into near meaninglessness.

Anne Coulter encapsulated it brilliantly the other day:

"Teddy Kennedy's 1965 immigration act so dramatically altered the kinds of immigrants America admits that, since 1969, about 85 percent of legal immigrants have come from the Third World. They bring Third World levels of poverty, fertility, illegitimacy and domestic violence with them. When they can't make it in America, they simply go on welfare and sometimes strike out at Americans.

During the three years from 2010 through 2012, immigrants have committed about a dozen mass murders in this country, not including the 9/11 attack.

The mass murderers were from Afghanistan, South Korea, Vietnam, Haiti, South Africa, Ethiopia and Mexico. None were from Canada or Western Europe."

Hey Paul Iscariot Ryan - what your selling, we're not buying.

As "Amnesty George" Bush arrogantly put it before his comparable illegal alien amnesty measure was shot down by the American people in 2007, "I'll see you at the bill signing."

That, of course never came.

So Paul Iscariot, "we'll see you at the bill signing."

Sarah Palin to Blame for Boston Bomb Blast

The internet is abuzz with invective against the innocent adherents of Allah for the heinous Boston Marathon bomb blast, but I, for the life of me, cannot figure out why.

The Boston bombs may have looked like an
Al Qaeda recipe, but Sarah Palin was behind it

Isn't it plain as day that Sarah Palin is to blame for this?

The ever-perspicacious scion of a CPUSA family, David Axelrod, came close to this nugget of truth when he proclaimed that the pressure cooker bomb culprits were undoubtedly tax protesters.

After all, the dastardly deed occurred on April 15th, a day when libertarians, conservatives and other assorted kooks customarily hover around post offices handing out Grover Norquist's anti-tax screeds to last minute 1040-EZ filers.

And who, more than anyone, has been fanning the flames of this perverse anti-tax hysteria?

Sarah Palin, of course.

Think back to January 8 of 2011 when Congresswoman Gabby Giffords was shot inside an Arizona shopping mall. The emergency room doors had barely swung closed on her incoming gurney when the mainstream media was out in force blaming the shooting on Sarah Palin.

The sage from Wasilla was roundly excoriated for having put the leftish Congresswoman on a campaign "Target" list and thereby creating a vicious and hateful climate that led directly to the shopping center slaughter.

Even Chicago's WGN radio was handed over to the vehement outrage of dim-witted jock turned Saturday fill-in broadcaster, one Alex Quigley, who went into a 10 minute on-air harangue blaming the shooting on Palin.

The evildoer was later found to be a demented heavy metal music fan of leftist political bent, but...... never mind.

So forget the fact that even CNN is saying that Boston bombs "seem very similar to one(s) that al Qaeda has recommended to its supporters around the world."

No Moslem terrorism here.

Let's jump on the bandwagon with Axelrod and the nincompoops at Salon magazine and start searching for crazed right-wing tax protesters.

And let's blame Sarah Palin for egging them on.

Margaret Thatcher 1925-2013: Surely in Valhalla

Margaret Thatcher passed away today. She is almost certainly the greatest European leader of our lifetimes and was a great source of strength and inspiration to Americans during the Reagan Revolution.

Here is a video of the iconic American conservative intellectual leader, William F. Buckley Jr., interviewing Mrs. Thatcher in 1975. She had just ascended to the leadership of the British Conservative Party and would soon thereafter become the first female Prime Minister of Great Britiain:

Will Pampas Pontiff Push Eva Peron's Canonization?

The Vatican's spin doctors lately have had to leap into overdrive to explain away this new Argentinian Pope's previous pronunciamentos on economic redistribution and marriage for homosexuals.

1952 Argentinian Artist's
Rendering of Evita as a Saint

He was not, as originally reported by Reuters, an advocate of redistributionist Marxist "Liberation Theology," they tell us.

And his stated endorsement of same sex civil unions, was merely a tactical ruse to stave off same sex marriage, they said.

Whatever it is he really believes, the new Pontiff from the Pampas is certainly a grand master of the "Grand Gesture."

First, he addressed his Cardinal colleagues from a casual position on the floor, rather than from the customary elevated Papal dais.

Then he spent Holy Thursday washing the feet of Italian female jailbirds and a Moslem woman, whose Imam would likely just as soon slit his infidel throat as look at him.

So what better Grand Gesture for this showboating Pope than to resurrect the efforts to canonize his fellow countryman, Eva Peron?

I say resurrect, rather than initiate, because it is a little known fact that the excitable mestizo Roman Catholics of Argentina, caught up in a frenzy of religious fervor, actually proposed this on August 1st of 1952.

The iron willed prostitute of La Plata had just kicked the bucket and according to John Barnes' definitive 1978 biography, Evita - First Lady (p.167):

"On August 1, 1952, the (Argentinian) Union of Food Workers cabled Pope Pius XII asking 'in the name of 160,000 members that Your Holiness initiate the process of canonisation of Eva Peron.' To support this request, the union told of a little girl paying her last respects who said:'Eva was a saint. I know because she cured my mother.' It added, 'Many sick are now well, many sorrowful are happy because of her.'"

Pius XII's curia, it seems, did not share the Argentinians' enthusiasm.

Eva Peron addressing
 Falangists in Madrid

Apparently they were not thrilled at the prospect of Sainthood for a vindictive shrew, who despite almost no evident thespian talent, rode the casting couch to Argentine movie stardom (Evita died at age 33 of a uterine cancer often associated with botched abortions) and who made front pages world-wide by returning the fascist salute to an adoring throng of General Francisco Franco's Falangist brigades from a balcony in Madrid.

But with 42 per cent of worldwide Catholics resident in South America, I say, go ahead and canonize her. It would conform to the populist zeitgeist of this highly comic age.

Sure, she threw uncooperative journalists and Congressmen in jail and pandered to labor union thugs. Sure she engineered the destruction of the Argentinian economy with wild redistribution of ever dwindling national wealth. Sure she was to jewelry what Imelda Marcos would later become to shoes.

But she was adored by the poor and this Pope says he's all for the poor.

And besides her aforementioned post-mortem miracle work, her body lies in an absolutely incorrupt state -- another proof of Saintliness (and also of the superb embalming skills of a Spanish pathologist, one Dr. Pedro Ara.)

So I say, let's start the canonization process for Evita right now!

She already has a swell song about her, courtesy of Andrew Lloyd Webber. Think of the money and effort that would save on the composition of new hymns.

And it would be another Grand Gesture for this new 2nd World Pope.

Here is a video montage of St. Evita assembled by an adoring Argentinian fan (it contains some very creepy shots of her perfectly preserved body lying in its crypt.) It is accompanied by the music of Andrew Lloyd Webber's No llores por mi Argentina: